Freedom is a piece of cake... literally.
I wish healing and walking in freedom from addiction was easy. I really do. But to be honest with you...I know for me, if this came easy, I would slip right back into it. Sometimes healing has to wear you down to bare bones and strip you of every toxic thought and feeling in your soul. For me, my addiction actually got worse after I was diagnosed. There I was, deeply wounded and a huge mess and then on top of that, I was trying to fix myself. Ain't gonna happen.
After I stopped trying to control the disorder that was controlling me (I know..such a catch 22, eh?), I was able to start healing. Then, it was time for me to be free. I have always had a bit of a rebellious streak in me, so when it came time to rebel against the addiction I had struggled with for so long, I was more than ready.
It was Christmas 2006 and I was living on a missions base in Newcastle, Australia. I was just hanging out with my friends when a few of them started opening their Christmas Stockings. I decided to do the same and realized that there was now a small mountain of candy and chocolate lying on my bedroom floor. I hadn't eaten something as little as a piece of candy in years. And I had definitely never ever eaten anything unless it was 'scheduled' into my day. But at that point, I didn't care. I ate some candy. I decided for that whole day to just eat whatever was served and not care about it. I set my mind to it, and I did it. And you know what? The next day, I was still the same size. I hadn't gained 20 lbs. I didn't even gain one pound.
My friends and I still joke around about that day because they were all aware of my situation and were all rallied around me in support. Also, it was incredibly fun. To taste a Snickers bar after not even eating one little piece of candy for years...was seriously incredible. I didn't even work out that day. I had worked out for hours and hours every day for so long, and then while I was healing, I changed my work out routine to about 10-20 minutes a day. But Christmas day..was the first day I hadn't worked out in years.
Sometimes I would have to go a week or more without working out because the temptation to spin out of control was too great. For those times, I would hold onto scriptures like1 Timothy 4:8, which says, 'For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.'
As I started gaining healthy amounts of weight, there were times that I started to get really depressed. But you know what? I didn't look like a blob. I didn't look like I was 8 months pregnant. Even though I desperately thought I did. And in all actuality, gaining the healthy weight I needed too and gaining a few dress sizes actually made me look and feel better.
For me, freedom started with a piece of chocolate. Where did yours start? And if you haven't experienced it yet, where would you like yours to start?
'I will walk about in freedom, for I have sought out your precepts.'[Pslam 119:45]
