Happy Birthday!
Well yesterday was my birthday. August the second marked my 26 years of life as Katie Green. 26 years this girl, this name, and in this body. Ive never been big on celebrating or throwing a party for myself. Its usually just a low key day which is exactly how this year was as well. i was having a conversation with a close friend, and we were recalling past memories, etc, and that was when it was mentioned about just how stinkin' lucky, or rather, more like what an AMAZING miracle it is, that after all the damage sabatoge and hell i have put my body through, i am even alive today. I've been told this before, but i guess it was in one ear, and out the other, because it just never really registered inside me as meaning anything special. However for the first time ever, yesterday i suddenly found myself connected enough to my body and mind to be able to agree. Wow! My life is a miracle. I AM alive today. I have planned my pitiful death more times than i could ever count, doctors have repeatedly told me i should be dead, I actually HAVE died, no pulse-code blue'd, while in the ER three times, but been zapped back to life all three. You could say it's coincidence but i know different. I am only alive today by a power other than my own. If it was up to me and my crazy brain, i'd be long gone years ago. (i praise God today that didn't happen!!) Also i thank God for the wonder of modern medicine these days, i marvel at its strength!... But nope,..this is different. This is reallyyy different. i am alive today by a power greater than those here on Earth or mans technology.I am here for a reason, for a purpose, I am here today living and breathing and writing this blog because God has a greater plan for me than to die in the Emergency room. What?!?! Yeah, you heard me. ;-)
I am talking a lot about myself here today... but you know what? This is my story. Plain and simple this is me, and this is how it is. And guess what? The same goes exactly for you. If you're alive and reading this today, it is for a reason. Whether you struggle with food personally, whether you can relate to this in anyway or not, every breath, every step, every day is a gift. Im not saying it's going to be a breeze, and i am definitely not saying the tough times end here at this realization, but what i am saying,is that perseverance and hard work is worth it even in the most cruddiest of all cruddy times. Even when you cannot see anything hopeful in front of you at the moment, your body is shaking and brain exploding and the only thing that seems to fix that problem is the McDonalds drive through, Jax Donuts, or 30 bucks of the candy section at Target.....believe me, there is hope. There is joy that cannot be found at the bottom of Chunky Monkey or in the layers of a Snickers bar. Hold on. Breathe. Keep going. Will yourself to push forward, pray pray pray. Then pray some more. Talk it out with God and those you trust around you. Find support within groups in your community, or online (like here at heartsupport!) to find people to talk with who really really completely understand. Each day is a gift from above. I know, the waiting process is hellish, the work is grueling and circumstances can suck, but it doesnt end there. You are here for a reason....yes, yes you are.
