Imposters.
At my church right now [which if you live in Las Vegas, you should check it out!] we are doing a series called Facade, it's really incredible, and last night's sermon I think was particularly applicable to us here in the heartsupport community.
Vince, our pastor, started off by talking about the German legend of the doppelganger... how people used to believe that everyone essentially had an evil twin walking around, doing bad things when they weren't there. Although I don't believe in doppelgangers specifically, I think that it's easy to feel like I've got an evil twin living inside of me. Paul talks about this a lot in Romans, particularly chapter 7, verse 15 "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do, I do not do, but I hate what I do." How many times on the road to recovery have you felt like there was an evil twin living inside of you, going back to your addiction countless times, no matter how much you knew and truly believed that it wouldn't satisfy you? Speaking for myself and my own struggles... all. the. time.
What's hard about this is that we often create a false version of ourselves that we show to the world. It's a form of protection. We're terrified that if the world knew us, knew who we really were [flaws and faults and all] that they would judge us. But showing this false self to the world does several negative things...
a] When people say they love you and care about you, you are unable to believe them. All you can think is "Yea, you love the me that I have shown to you, but if you knew the real me, you would hate me."
b] It wreaks havoc on your relationship with God. When we get into the practice of being inauthentic with people, it naturally follows that we will be inauthentic with God. And when we are inauthentic with God, as displayed in Psalm 32:3-4, His "hand will be heavy upon us." Why? Because God wants ALL of us, not what we want to give/show to Him, but ALL of us.
c] When we live as an imposter for long enough, there will come a point when we no longer know who is who anymore.
Believe me, I have been there. I have spent a good portion of my life believing the lie that I cannot show people who the real me is. And I can also honestly say, that I let my inauthenticity, my imposter self, my "doppelganger" ruin my life for a very long time. I lived in the denial that by being fake I was protecting myself, when in actuality, I was just falling deeper and deeper into my addictions and pain and self-loathing. And let's be honest... at the heart of it, we don't want to take part in our addictions. We don't want to feel like we need drugs or money or sex [or whatever it is that you are struggling with today.] But when we live in denial of the problem, we cannot be healed. My favorite thing that Vince said last night was "whatever is being denied cannot be healed."
And let me ask you this, do you want to be healed? Like really, DO YOU WANT TO BE HEALED?
If so, I think there are some practical steps that you can take to start heading in that direction...
a] Make God your hiding place. Instead of hiding yourself behind the wall of lies and inauthenticity... be honest and open and make God your safe place. God offers to be our refuge several times in the Bible, all we have to do is take him up on His offer.
b] Get accountable. Having accountability in your life is ESSENTIAL. I mean that. If you don't take anything else away from this post other than the fact that you need to get accountable, then I am okay with that. And I will be honest, accountability is tough. It's messy. It's not fun. It can be scary and embarrassing. We have to be completely transparent... but to be honest, there is no other way. God gave us to each other as a resource, and you NEED someone asking you about your deep, dark secrets... not only because knowing that you will have to tell someone what you've been up to will make you think twice before doing it in the first place, but also because, let's be honest... it's exhausting to be two people. Why not invite someone else into that so that they can help you carry your burdens?
Maybe today you feel like you haven't been yourself in a very long time. Maybe you feel like you've been letting your doppelganger run the show for a while now. Maybe you didn't even realize that you were living behind a facade until this very moment. Wherever you are right now, no matter how "bad", how "fake", how "ugly" you think you've become... today is the day it ends.
You are still God's precious, beautiful child who was and is worth dying for... so live like it.
Today is the day, dear friends. Step out of the facade and into life.
[Like I said before, this post was inspired by a sermon from my church, Verve, here in Las Vegas. We'd love to have you come and check it out if you are ever in town! For more information and service times, head here!]
