I'm taking back what belongs to me...
When I think about myself and my prolonged battles with addictions, I feel such a mix of emotions:
*Guilt for all of the people that I have hurt, wronged and caused to worry.
*Shame for the things I have done in pursuit of a "fix".
*Intense joy for the fact that God pulled me [and continues] to pull me out of it, against all odds.
*Thankfulness for all of the wonderful friends and family who have rallied around me and supported me through the years...
But I think most of all, I still deal with a great deal of anger.... anger when I think about all of the things that my addictions have taken from me and from those around me.
How many things have I missed out on because I was too messed up to function?
How many opportunities have I passed up on because I let my food addiction/substance abuse/self-injury/depression/you-name-it dictate who I am and what I do?
Although I am not and angry person, and I don't think that it's healthy to maintain prolonged anger, I'm thankful for the anger because it's great fuel for me to continue on my recovery journey.
Everyone who is in recovery from an addiction knows that no matter how far along you are in your recovery, there are still days where is takes absolutely everything in you not to throw in the towel. I started my recovery journey in the summer of 2006 and still, 4 years later, it's a daily battle. And while I am at peace with that... I am determined to not let the battle dictate my life.
I'm taking back what belongs to me.
