Reeeemix.
I think that most people who struggle with addiction can agree that relapse is probably the worst word in the entire english language.
The joy of recovery from addiction is so pure, so wonderful and so intense that we can forget that recovery is often a "2 steps forward, 1 step back" kind of a deal.
When I relapse I feel shame, remorse, ugly, dirty, miserable, embarrassed and a whole host of other unsavory emotions... but the worst of all of them is hopeless. Sometimes relapse can make you feel hopeless.
"Am I really still struggling with this?"
"Am I going to have to deal with this forever?"
But you need to know... it's not hopeless. As an addict, relapse HAS to be part of your journey. I'm not saying it's okay or right, but I am saying that it's going to happen and you cannot dwell on it.
You pick yourself up by your boot straps, use all you have learned in your days of sobriety and start again, trusting that it WILL get easier and you WILL get better.
Every single time you pick yourself up again and know the recovery is so worth it, you are better smarter and stronger.
Healing isn't a destination, it's a lifestyle.
