Sexual Desire
Being one who was addicted (and still struggles) with sexual temptation and actions, I get particularly excited when I read about sex in the bible. In Song of Songs, God paints a picture of an intimate, better, fuller, sexual connection between a man and a woman. Over the last several years (at least for me) people used to tell me and think that God was silent on the subject of romance, love, sex, and passion. He had some stuff to say about marriage, but those other things are personal, shameful, and worldly, and you should just go figure those out by yourself. I was told that the bible and the church were quiet about sex. It’s like God was completely silent this important issue in our lives. The question I asked myself was: Do you know why we feel love, sex, and passion? We have those feelings because God put them there! Those feelings reflect the image and character of God. For us to correctly reflect “this is what God is like”, that includes a good or right expression of love, sex, and passion. Song of Songs gives us this perfect picture.
These first two paragraphs are from Song of Songs Chapter 1 and 2:
In the Song, this woman is singing to her man. She finds him attractive, he smells good, and she wants to kiss him, but the thing that really keeps her around is his character. He sees her as a strong, confident woman who knows what she wants, but isn’t willing to compromise to get it. She doesn’t base who she is on her beauty, but rather on the spirit that burns inside of her, her attitude, her work ethic, and her honor. They see in each other things that reflect the image of God. This is how their relationship begins. They aren’t just attracted to the physical parts of each other (which is important), but they are connected by their values. It all began with parts of their character that reflect God.
They continue to sing to each other and we can see them falling deeper in love. He compares her to a mare that pulls one of Pharos chariots. What that means is that he is comparing her to one of Pharos horses. There was one horse that leads all the parades and army, and it was a white horse. Only Pharaoh was allowed to ride it and since it was the only white horse, the people could see from a distance that Pharaoh was on his way. He is saying to her that you are like that white mare that people worship like deity. When he thinks of that horse, he thinks of you. He is complimenting her and saying that there is nothing like you. She is beyond value. She is the most precious, beautiful, wonderful, thing in the world. She is priceless. She then sings back to him saying that he is like a sachet of myrrh resting between her breasts. She also says that her perfume is spreading its fragrance. In other words she is saying that he is her perfume. Women wore this perfume all night long as they sleep, and as they slept they would smell this perfume. She is saying that all night long she would think about him and dream about him. He is constantly on her mind. They are beginning to see each other different… At first it was I am attracted to you, and I like your values, but now I am beginning to respect you. I am going to treat you gently and cherish you.
As they are falling in love, the sexual attraction begins to grow. She sings to him “Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest is my lover among the young men. I delight to sit in the shade” Song of Songs 2:3. She is saying that there is no other one in the world like my man. In the man department, he is the only one that she needs. Out of all the trees in the forest, he is the only one that she needs. She also delights to sit in his shade. In other words she is under his braches. She feels safe around him and protected under him. A wife or girlfriend should never be afraid to come to their man. They should feel safe and protected. This next part is where it starts to heat up. “And his fruit is sweet to my taste” Song of Songs 2:3. This sounds sexual, and it’s headed that way, but that’s not what she means. It means that she nourishes her and builds her up. She doesn’t need to go to someone else’s tree to eat, she is already filled up in this department. She doesn’t need to be told and reminded, for his taste is sweet to her. She already knows this is her man. She continues “Strengthen me with raisins, refresh me with apples, for I am faint with love” Song of Songs 2:5. This is probably the most erotic verse in the bible. Strengthen me means hold me, or literally translates from the Hebrew to lay on me. He has been treating her great and lovingly, and now he wants her to lay on him. She also says bring some raisin cakes. Raisin cakes were an aphrodisiac in this culture. Anything with seeds was thought to have a sexually arousing quality. She literally says come lay on me and bring the love potion, bring what will sexually arouse us. Then she says refresh me with apples. Refresh means spread out your blanket, or make yourself at home with apples. Apples refer to any fruit that produced a bring red, juicy fruit full of seeds. Remember who the apple tree is? This woman wants his apples! She wants him to bring his apples home to her. This woman is on fire, she is hot and bothered, she is sexually aroused. He has protected her, provided for her, promoted her, she admires him, she loves him, she feels good because of the way he treats her, she wants him to strengthen her, lay on her with raisin cakes. SHE WANTS HIM TO HAVE SEX WITH HER…. and the thing about this is that he is her boyfriend not her husband. They have this holy relationship, but apparently it’s a short putt from holiness to hornieness (that was a joke ha-ha). They are on fire for each other and she wants him. If you look at the next verse it says, “his left arm is under my head, and his right arm embraces me” Song of Songs 2:6. If you don’t know what position this is then you are lying! It is a sexual position. They are right there in the moment. This woman has found what she believes to be the love of her life and she wants all of him. He treats her well, and he respects her, and cares for her, holds her, she wants his left hand under her head, his other hand anywhere, she wants him on her, inside of her, she wants to have sex with her boyfriend.
The important thing about this whole thing is his response. He doesn’t put her down by saying she shouldn’t feel that way and that its sinful and that she is wrong, but he says this instead. “Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires” Song of Songs 2:7. He is making an oath here. He is swearing by his own masculinity (all that he is as a man), not to arouse or awaken love. Do not take action or act upon what your love naturally wants. He isn’t saying don’t want that, but not to act upon it. There is a right time for that, a time that God intended for it to happen.
As I was thinking about this I was slightly shocked. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been in this situation and just took complete action without regard to the truth which is that there is a right time to awaken love. There is a right time to lay on top of each other wise raisin cakes and have sex. There is a better way to do it. I have never even thought that God could understand all of this. He created it so he knows all about it, but the part that hits me and encourages me the most is not that God understand sex and love and romance, but rather that God understands me. Sexual desire isn’t wrong! A relationship heading in this direction, with sexual desire surfacing, probably means that your relationship is going the right way! You are in a successful relationship and you want each other more and more. We were made to feel that way and a great relationship heads down that path, but be careful because there is a right time. Just know that Sexual desire isn’t wrong, it’s a completely human thing that leads us to greater intimacy, if it is done at the right time.
I know this was long winded and may be confusing… I had a hard time smashing two chapters of Song of Songs into one blog. If you are confused or have questions or just want to talk. Email me and I would love to chat. I really believe waiting (at this point in my life as I didn’t always believe this) to be the best thing we can do.
I am praying for all of us to keep fighting our addictions and growing closer to our amazing God.
~Anthony
