Brook: I was road tripping with my friends in Sleeping Giant on the west coast part of their tour with Winds of Plague. I stepped out of the van and saw Katie. She was selling merch for Winds of Plague. She was beautiful and covered in tattoos. I didn’t think she would talk to me and 2 years after that she married me.
Katie: Like Brook said, we met on a Winds of Plague tour in 2009. I was doing merch for WOP and kept noticing this really cute guy hanging out with Sleeping Giant. Every time I saw him he was carrying something for the band, so I assumed he was working for them. After I packed up on the 4th day, I went back to our bus and asked “Who’s the babe in the ‘hype free’ hat?” Andrew Glover, the bassist of Winds, said “Oh my gosh, Katie, that’s BROOK DOOM…you don’t know who that is?!” I was laughing and just said “No! I thought he was a roadie for Sleeping Giant!” and everyone made fun of me.
Q) How do you guys keep your marriage strong and healthy despite the distance and touring?
Brook: A serious act of God haha. It is very difficult at times to be away from your family. And I sell merch for the band, so being the singer of the band and selling merch it gets kinda hectic. So constantly texting, praying, and making every word you say count.
Katie: I’m not going to lie. It is REALLY hard. Since I have 6+ years of touring experience, I used to go on the road with Brook and work for his band. But now that I am pregnant, I’ve had to stay home and it has made things a lot more difficult. It’s hard to be the one at home while your husband and his friends are out on the road having fun every night, but I keep faith in knowing that Brook is doing God’s work and count the days until he gets home. We spend as much time as possible texting and talking on the phone when he gets free time. It’s definitely not ideal but I know it could be a lot worse and he really makes a sincere effort to stay in touch as much as possible throughout the day.
Q) If you are in a relationship with with a guy who is in a band, is it hard to trust that he will be faithful not only to you, but God as well? Does the thought of unfaithfulness from your spouse ever cross your mind or bother you?
Katie: Being that I had been in previous relationships where I was cheated on, I always had trust issues. But when I met Brook all of that went out the window. Not once has the thought ever crossed my mind that he is straying from our marriage or his love for God. We have an incredibly open and honest relationship and I think the fact that we know we can always come to each other without judgement will continue to keep us strong and bonded not only to each other, but the Lord as well.
Brook: Never. Katie is the most loyal person I haver ever met. To me and to God.
Q) I am not one to believe in young love as I feel if you look deeply into the reasons you are in a relationship as a teen mostly they are selfish. However, I miss holding hands with and kissing a girl. As a Christian, is that a bad thing to want/miss? Another added problem to this is I am extremely picky with women, get tired of just one girl quickly, and have a hard time committing to just a single girl. How can I grow myself in these areas to where I don’t treat these issues so childishly? Brook you are an inspiration to me as a christian, and with pushing through with your music, and I would be honored if you took the time out of your hectic life to answer these questions that I have! Love you, man!
Brook: No way man! Finding a wife, a companion, and friend is God’s greatest blessing to mankind. Definitely nothing wrong with wanting a woman It teaches you where the sin in your life is as well. How selfish and greedy we are. Having a wife is your greatest accountability partner. Having that feeling that there is always something better or the grass is greener on the other side…It never is and it always ends in heartache. Find a God-loving woman and pursue her. Get your head out of that mentality by watching pastors on the subject of marriage. I recommend Mark Driscoll. Nothing but love and God bless, brother!
Katie: I second what Brook says. I don’t think there is anything wrong with missing that companionship. God put it in our hearts to want a partner in this life. And as far as getting over girls quickly – I believe that’s only happening because you haven’t met the right one yet. Spend some time and look into why the relationships with your previous girlfriends didn’t work out. You might be missing a key factor that is greatly needed in a relationship or you might not be being honest with yourself and you could possibly just not be ready for a relationship so you are constantly looking for an out. Either way, keep steadfast in prayer and ask that you find God’s heart in a woman and I believe she will come to you sooner than later
Q) I haven’t really spoken with my previous girlfriend since our breakup about 6 months ago. I was told there was something called a “soul tie” between her and I and I would have to pray for it to be broken. I have prayed hard about it but how do I know its severed? I still think about her sometimes, and sometimes those thoughts linger to times we were intimate and more.
Brook: Yeah man, sex is talked about so casual like there isn’t anything eternal about it. Like it’s just a meaningless act. God gave us married folks the gift of sex to become one flesh with our spouse to be linked forever. It’s powerful stuff, man. If this girl is not to be your wife and you are trying to move on, pray for the power of the Holy Spirit to cleanse you and that girl because it does have an effect on her too. Prayer And getting in the word, man. Spend time with Him and and He will renew both y’alls hearts.
Katie: A soul tie is a very real thing. When 2 people have sex, they are bonded together in so many ways – physically, spiritually and even chemically (look up oxytocin bonding). This is why the Lord has always put such great importance on staying pure before marriage. But God knows the struggles of mankind and knows we are bound to fail at times. As Brook said, you need to pray for both yourself and your former girlfriend for that tie to be broken and for God to unleash healing over both of you. You have to have faith in God that he hears your prayers and will honor them. As far as your lingering thoughts go, no matter how many times you ask for forgiveness the devil will always use a moment of weakness to work his way back in our lives. Rebuke those thoughts the moment they come into your mind and start praying. I highly recommend reading the book “Purity: A New Moral Revolution” by Kris Vallotton. A friend recommended it to me years ago and it was life changing.
Q) Me and this girl like each other, at least that’s what she told me. But, things haven’t been going the way I want them to go. She is very busy all the time with sports and we have haven’t hung out together since we’ve told each other that we like each other. She is so busy to the point that we barely text anymore. My question is: how do I cope with this and be patient? I feel that if I just learn to be patient, things will eventually go my way. But, that is SO much easier than it sounds. Please help :/
Brook: Haha hey brother, yeah man y’all are moving into the next step and with moving to the next step there are all these expectations and rules and guidelines. Throw those out and be patient. Pray for her, encourage her, and support her. I promise you, that’s sexy to a girl. Girls love a man who will pray for them and support them and take charge spiritually. Have fun, put God first in your relationship and act on His time for you guys and you can’t go wrong.
Katie: Hmm, this is a tough one! If I were you, I would actually have a conversation with her about it to make sure you both are on the same page. It doesn’t need to be anything big and dramatic but sometimes people get scared after initially confessing their feelings for one another and/or becoming boyfriend and girlfriend. If it were me, just for my own piece of mind, I would want to make sure she still feels the same way and go from there. If she does still feel the same, then you can rest easy and just give her the time and space she seems to be needing right now. And if for some reason her feelings have changed, at least you know and can move on.
Q) I was dating a girl recently for close to about two years. Things were really good, no real issues, no fights or arguments really, but the fact of the matter was that she didn’t want to get married. Not just to me, but really ever. We eventually didn’t see things working out that way obviously and we decided to go our separate ways. The issue I ran across was that I was almost convinced that I may marry her. We had been together long enough that I just naturally thought she was “it” but I was never truly convinced but only assumed. How did you know your wife was going to be your wife? Was it really just the fact that you knew and that’s the only way to explain it?
Brook: Hey brother, did you put a lot of pressure on her? Was she putting a lot of pressure on herself because she knew you wanted marriage? I heard this all the time before I got married and it holds very true. Relationships require communication constantly. In all aspects: the good, the bad, the ugly and the awkward and so forth. I’m still working on my communications skills. It doesn’t always come easy to us men but, it’s something in marriage we need to focus on. Katie and I dated for a while before we got engaged. She loved God, we had a lot of the same interest and became very best friends, then got married. We had fights and arguments and still do, believe me, but we love each other so much. It takes work, sacrifice , communication and love. Pray and see where God leads you.
Katie: I think it’s easy to start fantasizing about marriage and settling down with anyone after you’ve been together for a significant amount of time. But if the other person’s heart isn’t in the same place, it will almost always fail. I never saw myself as one to settle down and get married but I wasn’t dead set against it either. Trust me, I had my share of failed relationships, but when I met Brook I KNEW he was the one. I KNEW I would never, EVER find a man to treat me better and this was as good as it was gonna get…and it’s pretty great! I know it’s hard, and I’m not saying you need tons of terrible relationships, but look at this breakup as a good thing because then you know that you are truly one step closer to finding “the one.” And when you do, it will be all the more evident because it won’t be like anything you’ve ever experienced before.
Q) I love Jesus and I am in a relationship with a Christian girl. The problem is that I don’t feel like I’m getting closer to God through this relationship. I feel like I’m “doing all the work” in focusing on God… (if that makes sense) When I talk to my girlfriend about God, she doesn’t seem that interested. When I mention something about how God is changing my life or encounters I have with him, the subject usually changes pretty quickly.
I am sold out for God and I value him more than anything. I’m concerned that if me & my girlfriend end up together, she’ll be holding me back from God, values and dreams I have. But I know that she knows God and loves him. Maybe she feels like she’s at a different level and her stories and thoughts about God are rubbish (which isn’t true & I don’t want her to feel that way). My question is: If you are going out with a Christian who isn’t as passionate & in love with Jesus as you are, what do you do?
Brook: Pray for God to give you the words, then lovingly talk to her about it. Don’t judge her or try and be ‘Mr. Spiritual.’ Show God by being like Him. Not just all talk. I believe Christians are on different levels and it’s our job as men, as the spiritual leader, to build our women up and not jump ship . If she has a relationship with Jesus Christ, she has the Holy Spirit. Pray that God would poor a fire into her. Pray for her and your relationship and see where God leads you.
Katie: I can totally relate to this question…from your girlfriends end. There has been (and still are) so many times that I feel like Brook is leaps and bounds ahead of me in his faith. He is so knowledgeable, so well spoken and so outwardly passionate that it is honestly intimidating to such a shy person as myself. I am EXTREMELY shy and it is so hard for me to talk about my feelings with anyone, even Brook. Your girlfriend might just be shy and having a hard time expressing her feelings without feeling stupid. And I can tell you it isn’t anything against you, but her own insecurities getting the best of her…because that’s how I am. This is something Brook and I are constantly working on. Pray over her and pray TOGETHER. Even if you are the only one praying out loud (which I can pretty much guarantee) it will still help put her at ease and help her feel more comfortable.
Q) Okay, so basically this is kind of weird & uncomfortable for me but I guess my curiosity is stronger than my fear of embarrassment. I’m a 21 year-old girl who has never had a boyfriend, never been on a date, never even been asked on a date. Sure I have had crushes but I’ve never really been very interested in any guy. My question is: how do you know that you’re supposed to marry somebody? I know plenty of people who are & have been single their entire lives & are more than content with what God has given to them. I know I’m still young but this has really been getting on my nerves lately because it makes me feel like I am unlovable or unworthy of love other than from family & friends. So yeah, how do you know if you’re meant to literally be forever alone?
Brook: First off, you are loved and a daughter of God and He thinks the absolute most of you. Marriage is a blessing and the greatest gift God could give us. In any relationship though, God wants us to put Him first and above all and He can satisfy and meet your needs. Like you said, you are young so I think you should take time and pray and see where God leads you. Keep and open mind and don’t get too set in your ways and be receptive to what God wants. That is what is most important. I’m sure if you do that you will be totally fine. I never dated either and I turned out alright…. I think….:) God bless you. Stay in the word and in prayer. God will take care of the rest.
Katie: I agree with Brook here. Stay steadfast in prayer and keep yourself open and receptive to the Lord’s plan for your life. Because neither of us have had the calling to stay alone for the rest of our lives, it is hard to answer that question but the bible verse from Jeremiah 29:11 keeps coming to mind; “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Q) Is it dumb for me or any other person to wait for “the one” God has for me? I mean dating people isn’t a bad thing I guess, but for some reason in my mind whenever I do meet my future husband, I want to be able to give him all of me if that makes sense? But at this point of my teenage life, I am feeling kinda dumb because EVERY other senior has been or is in a relationship. This fact doesn’t make me want a boyfriend but do you guys think that my idea is silly?
Brook: Heck no! You don’t want to rush anything. I never really dated either, even when all my friends did. You have plenty of time to meet a husband. Stay in prayer and in the word and grow in a relationship with God and see where he leads you. You want a man that has integrity and loves the Lord and the more time you spend in your quiet time with God, the more you will grow in His knowledge and the easier it will be to find that perfect man that honor God. Take your time. God is on your side. He’s going to take care of that heart. All you have to do is give it to Him first before any guy.
Katie: Brook is probably the best one to answer this question because he didn’t really date before we met…and I had enough horrible dating experiences for the both of us! But I do believe that no matter what side of it you’re on, you’ve dated a lot or not at all, as long as you keep your faith in the Lord it will always be 100% evident when he puts “the one” in your life.