my life

Let me first say that this covers many of the topics. I am a christian and have been since i was 15. when i was 19 my life seemed like it was spirialing down. i lost the only person that seemed to understand me and that was my mother. she had bilateral breast cancer but it did not kill her. she had a blood clot form and go throught her lung or heart ( i didn't want a autopsy to be done). she had been healed of cancer and doctors said that it was a miracle. she was happy and told the doctors what God had done for her. when she passed we all were shocked. my dad was out of town and when he got to the E.R. she had already passed. it was bad for him. i went through a time of denial and being mad and grieving. i did not notice that my mind was slowly starting to dwell on my moms death til i tried slitting my wrist and branded a cross in my right arm. the doctor told me that i had held in my feelings for to long and that it caused a major mental breakdown. i thought that losing both of my granddads was bad and almost losing my dad to a heart attack. i didn't mention that he had open heart surgery a month before my mother was diagnosed with cancer. my dad died the night he had his heart attack and was revived by divibulation.(them shocking hisheart back ) me and mom was in the corner and was when it seemed like a angel with cold hands touched my shoulder and said my dad was ok.i knew at that time God was in control. i think that sorta perpared me for losing my mother. though i miss her so much. i have to knowthat it was her time and not my dads. i'm starting to see why my mom went first. me and my dad have never had a close relationship and it seems that since the passing of my mother we have grown closer.whatever you do don't give up. i promise if you ask God for help he will come through for you. i know this is pretty jumbled up and i skipped around a little bit. i have had so much to happen to me like being made fun of and wanting to commmit suicide because i wasn't the in crowd.

well now i am more than the in crowd i am the one that guys wish they could be. when you are down and you think no oneelse loves you i do. and so does God. i don't care if you think you are worthless and nothing or if you are to fat or whatever the case maybe i still lkove you because to me everybody in the world has a chance to be whoever they want. i hope i have helped at least one person.