so tried

im so tried of always feeling horrible. I have lost three guys i care about in 1 year. 1 dumped me. 1 i cant speak to because of something he did and the last 1 said that he wants everything to be normal again. He means everthing to me and i screwed up. Now i cant look at him with out crying. I came so close to being happy again until someone brought up the past. Now i hate myself for everything that happened.All i want is to be in his arms again. He means the world to me and we were the closest of friends. I hasve one friend that i tell everything too because my other friends don't like me as well as before everything happened. I just want to be happy again. I am happy when im with him. He says im beautiful and doesn't make me feel like i need to impress him. but now ive lost him and my happiness is gone. Why can't i get over him. Why can't i be happy.