All I Really Wanted...

Its funny how we search for love...when the only place we needed to go was God. Love has been such a confusing thing for as long as I can remember. I was sexually abused during my childhood...by someone I thought loved me. I couldnt understand. I was so insecure from it. Insecurity ruled my life.

I was a dancer from 6 years old till 6 months ago. IT wasnt a surprise that I ended up with eating disdorders from being in that industry. I wanted so much for hte outside so I could feel comfortable on the inside. I wanted to shut up the insecurity so I could finally be content. If I could just be skinny enough...then I would be happy. I struggled with exercise bullimia and periods of starvation and binging. I didnt even know how sick I was. Depression had such a stronghold over me...I was drowning in the pain I was trying to cover.

I was crying out for love...only I was looking in all the wrong places. I believed the lies that if I could just attract the right people I would feel secure...surely I would be happy then. But it was all lies.

I fell deeper and deeper into depression and wanted to die more than ever. I was too scared thoguh because I didnt want to go to Hell...

I dont remember when I surrendered...or how I felt exactly...but I know that this January I was radically changed and havent been the same since. God has transformed my life and given me programs that provide support and steps I can live by to heal and grow in His love.

All I needed was Him. He needed to save me...because I couldnt save myself. None of us can.

All I really wanted...I have found in Him...He has filled every hole in my heart...sealed every scar...

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