Keeps coming back to me

I have struggled with an eating disorder off and on for the past 3 years. It is not a real bad situation. But anything having to deal with your body and causing it pain is not good. I started out at 103 pounds, which I knew wasn't fat, but I could not stand the way I looked. I was both anorexic and bulemic.. I did this for about half a year.. Then my family found out, and helped me. I realized I needed to fix it before it got worse.. I was fine for awhile, but I fell again. I hate my looks and body. I have started gaining weight and now weigh around 120. I feel i am so fat. I am told I am beautiful, but everytime I look in the mirror I hate what I see. My clothes are all starting to get a little tight. I cant stand it. I have been skipping meals and I am trying to not go any farther than skipping a few meals a day.. I dont want to hurt my body but I don't want to be this weight.. I try excercisng. I get into it a little bit then I give up. I do not know why it is so hard for me. I am beautiful in God's eyes. Why can't I be beautiful in my eyes?