Slow Process

I moved to Indianapolis in 2000, my brother had it rough where we used to live and was eager for the move. That's when it all started, my weight jumped more than I thought it would and my brother immediately noticed and has continued to till this day and insult me about it. 9 years of verbal abuse, and of wondering why I was so fat, so ugly, not attractive enough, or smart enough. It wasn't just my brother, it was the kids who I wanted to be friends with, who I wanted acceptance from. I would come home, put on music, and cry myself into oblivion. No one understood that the words cut into my youth. I hardly left my house because of how gross I thought I looked. My brother would tell me my appearance was all my fault. I would believe him, every word I swallowed like a thick dose and it would give me reasons to not have confidence in myself.
I was always making myself eat too much or too little. 3 meals a day was lessened to 1 or 2, when I turned 13 I started smoking cigars, then cigarettes when I was 16. At that age I also started taking diet pills. I didn't lose much, I still felt bad about my lack of looks. I didn't hang out with friends like a normal person would and I knew I wasn't on a good path. I joined a gym, thinking it would boost my confidence, and I overworked myself where my lungs and head would hurt for hours and I would get on the scale and cry. Mirrors were nothing but reminders of what I should look like.
Pant sizes, calories, stomach aches, never left my mind. I would judge myself against other girls in all aspects and get deeper in my hatred for myself. By 17 I'd only had one boyfriend nd I blamed it on my shyness and weight when in reality it was because I had no confidence. I was always breaking down nd trying to develop an eating disorder but I tried to keep that one bit of strength in my personality. All the insults just kept getting worse, people would insult my sexual orientation, despite me being straight. Rumors started that were all false. I couldn't stop it.
Jake, a public speaker for Heart Support came to my school and discussed everything I had been hiding to myself, and even more problems that other people dealt with. I realized from a total stranger that I wasn't alone. My friends always turned to me for advice, yet I was the hypocrite. I told them to love themselves, to ignore everything, and I couldn't even listen to myself. They wouldn't hear my cries or problems or explain my story. My mom always showed me some form of realization. Yet Jake, as he spoke to the hundreds sitting there, rang true to me.
I couldn't hide this anymore. I needed release. I'm a people person, even if people didn't like me. I went down to talk to him, swelling with self-realization and a new confidence that wanted to escape from my heart and I thanked him and in little words, said my problem and he looked me in the eye and said "All those people who say something are just hiding their own problems, don't listen to them nd keep being strong." My mom had told me it for 9 years but I never believed it. After all, family has to do that. complete stranger had to help me keep moving on.

If I'm not alone, no one is. You will overcome your problems even if it takes years, in my case, almost a decade. Please. Never give up hope. Keep hanging on. We need you. I need you.