Start An Eating Disorder

I always hated my weight feeling ugly obese. So i started trying to go with anorexia to start off but that seemed to be hard to starve my own body. So slowly i took more food away from myself everytime eating food with guilt telling myself i will be more ugly. I started filling my mind with skinny bands and models saying to myself im younger than them i should be thinner. Staring in the mirror for hours a day i wanted to crack it. My friends told me i had an eating disorder but i knew i was fat. But what if my mind was taking over i did not know. So one day i splurged on some pizza so upset i took a toothbrush into my mouth trying to throw up. Except nothing came out of my mouth so i started laxatives which were horrible. Going to the bathroom feeling as if i was going to faint. I knew there must be a better way then i heard from Dawn my friend that God sees us as beautiful as can be and that changed my view on myself. Though i still have an obession over what i consume.