wow

i guess ill start fomr the begining, when i was younger my family was always a little messed up, no one was ever getting along there was always this constant stream of violance and ten in grade school i was sexualy harassed for 4 years by the same two people, i've always suffered from pre-diabetes which progressed to type 2 this past month and high cholesteral and i was always supposed to take medicine for it but once i realized that i could say no and mean it i stopped the meds, i didnt tihnk they were hel[ing at all, i began binge eating when i started the 7th grade and i didnt know it was considered an actual eating disorder until i sought help for a friend with anorexia and when i found out i was to scared to tell anyone, my family just assumes that i just eat alot i mean im not exactly tiny i gained a horrible self imag4e the summer before 7th grade and then i would just eat and eat even when i wasnt hungry i began eating at night and sneaking out to get food, i felt like an animal. i thought i was the biggest kid even school even though i was no where near it, soon i began to openly critisize myself befor others could get to it it pissed me off so bad when people called me fat that i would either start a fight or i would go somewhere alone and cry, everytime i said something bad about myself my friends would counteract it with something positive but it didnt matter i didnt belive them then i got a self help book from my guidance counselor in eigth grade and i got alot happier with how i looked and everynoe noticed that i was alot happier but i was still eating way more than i should, everytime someone said something mean to me i would fall back into this state of desperation, i tried to seek help from a psychiatrist but my older sister though i was being mellow dramatic and i never do sometihng if my sister doesnt think it nessesary so i told my mom i was over reacting and i felt fine, it was just a one time thing, now im going into the 9th grade, im more self concious than ever, i eat everything in sight and my depression is getting worse i am obese to the point that im am in serious trouble with my health, im dumping my medicine down the drain and lying about it, i cant function like a normal person anymore, i dont understand how everyone can be so happy around me and not notice i feel so alone but im making a real effort to turn things around but it feels like its to late and that theres no way for me to be OK again.