Beauty Marks

At first glance of me it's hard to believe that i am a recovering cutter. I first began cutting during my junior year of high school. I would get in fights with my boyfriend and would use cutting as a way to get his attention. For so long i had it under control and would only use it when i needed that attention from him. I always thought that I would be strong enough to keep control of it. Before i knew it however i realized that i no longer had control over it but it had control over me. I started to find my body craving it. Every time would be the same i could crave it, i would cut, and then i would hold so much regret. I was actively involved with my church during this time and was even considered a leader in my youth group, yet no one knew that behind my smile i was hurting and had no idea how to make it stop. In March of my Senior year of high school i attended a youth retreat and went to seminar on cutting. I learned how to get the help i needed and how to move past cutting. My journal became my best friend and i would spend all my time writing about my feelings so i could get them out somehow. Once i stated to move past cutting though i would look down at my upper leg where i would cut and would feel so ugly and ashamed of my scars. I've come to realize thought that my scars are my beauty marks. They remind me of a place where i was but also show me the love that Christ has for me and how he brought me through those times.

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