i need help

i don't know about this site, i don't know if anyone will read this, i dont even know why i'm writing this... i suppose i realized i need help, I injure myself on nearly a daily basis. I can't remember a time i didn't do this. I doubt any of you want to read this, i doubt any of you care about my pathetic story, but i'm going to type this up. my only request it that none of you decide you feel sorry for me and try to contact me or try to figure out exactly who I am. I'm just another face in the crowd at just another high school.

my trip down this path of 'self mutilation' as some would call it doesn't have a definite start or a definite occasion that started everything, it was a build up of everything i deal with. I've never liked myself, i'm not particularly ugly but i'm far from pretty. I've always just been the typical girl next door. The brown hair, blue eyed girl that doesn't have any traits that make me look exceptional. I run track, I make adverage grades... I blend in with the crowd, I stay under the radar and nobody notices me really. At home.. Well thats a different story. My parents split up, my mom doesn't know exactly who my dad is. The guy i've been calling dad for the last 14 years is only a guess but neither of them really care enough to find out if he is or not. My older sister is 18 with 3 kids, my brother (17) is homosexual and is being abused by his boyfriend but he wont let anybody help him. My other two brothers are the perfect children, straight A students, leaders on all the sports teams, blonde and beautiful. They never do anything wrong and everyother word out of my moms mouth is 'why aren't you as good as derek' or 'why can't you do this like shayne'. and My mother, well theres nothing i can say about her thats positive. I have no problems against homosexual personal guys or girls, me and Tim (my brother thats 17 and gay) are very close. And my mom is a lesbian. one partner beat her, another used her for money and the most current one... well she's so wrapped up in this relationship she doesn't notice any of us. I don't complain about my home life, I know many people have it worse than I at home. I get annoyed when mom does things like forget about cooking because she's on the phone with her newest lover and nearly burns our house down, but I still remember that there are kids that have it worse than me.
Well enough about my home life and onto my family and friends. My grandmother is morbidly obease, she is over 500 pounds and she is shorter than I am. (about 5'3 while I'm around 5'5) She has perscription medicines that are nearly 800ml hydros. My great grandmother is an imagrant from a rural area of Italy, shes one of the many that came here with nothing but hope. She also has to take powerful medcine for pain, neither my grand mother nor my great grandmother are addicted to their meds, they honestly need them. While my mother lies and steals medicine from them both to sell. My best friend since kindergarden died last week from an overdose and her boyfriend commited suicide. Then my other friend was killed in a drive by. I am getting off of my addictions but I turned to a different addiction. I was in so much pain... I couldn't and still can't handle things. Just typing all of this out is killing me. I dont know how to deal with any of this and all I know is that everybody has their own issues, everybody deals with things their own way, and you can never truely know how much pain someone is feeling. I am me, simple as that. I am a freshman, I deal with highschool, I am a rape victim, I cut myself, and I never know how to handle things. and that was my story

Having a gambling addiction can destroy your life, and we want to help. Find support at heartsupport.com to stop your compulsive gambling.