Depression, Emotions, Christianity

Something I have experienced from fellow Christians during my journey is a pervasive message that we need to just let emotions go and give them to the Lord, as in avoid or bypass them. Now, I'm not sitting here saying we are to be out of control. Nor am I naive enough to think that some people don't have emotions way out of control and are on a journey to control them. Everyone has different issues they are having to face. I can only speak about my journey and others from similar backgrounds that have confirmed similar issues and guidings in their journey. Coming from a background of abuse and no one wanting to face that elephant in the room, many have been told that their anger is out of line and they need to sit down and shut up. Or they have been told that being honest would destroy other people so everyone else's emotions are more important. And/or they've been told by the person that abused them that their tears at the time of abuse was wrong and get out of my sight or many other scenarios that I don't need to spell out. If you come from this background you know and can relate. The one common theme in them all was being told what you are feeling is wrong, now stop it!!! Yet, as I journey along, I've come to understand that the real issue was never my emotions, but how that reflected what the other person was doing and they didn't like it and tried to hide it by shaming the person they hurt. Now, really, how warped is that. But as children, we don't get that higher level thinking. We just know the people we are supposed to listen to were upset with us. We must be doing something wrong.

Now fast forward to becoming a Christian and one wants to talk about something like this or admit they have depression and many are quick to say generally the same things. Well, just let that go. Or don't think on that. Or a multitude of 'brush that under the carpet' mentality. Yet...... where does that come from? I don't see this in the Bible. On more than one occasion I've heard people in the counseling profession admit that Christ had healthy emotions. What? Healthy emotions. Stoic might not be the way to go. Borg style, false, everything is just fine, take one for the collective might not be what is genuine and real? Yep. That's what I am learning on my journey.

During the height of my depression I had a brother of Christ telling me I needed to do certain things and stop thinking about it and don't move within your emotions. Yet, within the Spirit, there was this invitation to finally feel it all. I was so confused. I was fairly new to 'following Christ' and was so focused on the words with the real person standing before me and really unsure about the Spirit stuff yet. Facing the emotions hurt, so that wasn't a feel good fix. I thought giving over to Christ meant life should become rosy not more complex. Yet ......... all those years of feeling like a big bottle of soda that had been shaken so many times and told to just hold it in was taking it's toll. I would take 10 -20 hits and then the pressure on the lid would allow it to pop up and let some spewing take forth and I would fight to pull the cap back on and stop the leak. To the outside world, who would see the valve pop would think I had to learn to control my emotions. Yet inside I had never dealt with any of them. No one ever gave me permission. LOL. I can laugh now, because I see clearly what was going on, but in the midst of it, it was no laughing matter. It was amazing to me to discover that depression is the suppression of emotion. (Sometimes it's chemical and such, but sometimes it's what's being shared.) Once I heard that, it made so much sense within my life. A lot of pieces of the puzzle began to fit together.

Now Jesus tossed a few tables with justified anger (Matthew 21:12 - 13 & Mark 11:15 - 18), He sweat tears of anguish and asked if there was any other way before having to face heading to the cross (Luke 22:39-46), and Jesus (and this one just gets me). Jesus cried with the mourners over Lazarus' death, knowing He was going to raise him from the dead (John 11:20-45). This is not the life of an emotionless savior. Not only that, but throughout His time people did not want to hear what He had to say, but He did not wait for permission to speak. Nor did their reactions change the truth of what He was saying. Their aversion to what He was saying was directly correlated to how it affected them and the life they had grown accustomed to. Sound familiar?

He also took His greatest issues and thoughts personally affecting Him to the Lord. It is not our job to feel our emotions and take them out on people. But to find a way to release them safely, not sin in our anger. (Ephesians 4:20-40) We are also told to Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. (Romans 12: 15) These are not passages that say 'pretend emotions don't exist'. The world and even Christians get caught up with the passages that say turn the other cheek and pray for your enemy. One can pray for their enemy or those that tear one down and still deal with their emotions about it and let them out and not bottle them up. If anyone has read the Psalms, there is no question in my mind that David suffered from depression at times. Yet, he took those thoughts and emotions to the Lord. That is what we are called to do. We are not to fear them, dutifully swallow them, attack others with them or pretend they don't exist. What a difference in my life to deal with them as I experience them. I've shared before how I took a sledge hammer to a rusted out wagon and just let out all the frustration of the helpless things that have happened and were happening. It was so releasing and I've not picked up those issues again. I released them that day. Be smart and use safety precautions like eye protection and such, but don't fear that anger. Just release them without sinning and hurting others with words and anger that can't be taken back once released. As I have dealt with current emotions the need to release on that level has not returned. In reality, that was the release of 35 years of bottled up anger, and that first step was one doozy of a release. But since then I do deal with my emotions most days before the sun goes down. I haven't felt the same bottled up pressure because it gets dealt with. I still have found myself, at times, bottling things up, but once I recognize the old pattern I journal, talk with my Father in heaven or deal with them in some healthy manner. Once I do, then I get to the heart of the issue and have words to talk with someone, not just react in a hurtful way after 10 - 20 hits. The lid is off the bottle and the pressure is not being built up but released as I go. Breathing all the time. Soda pop grows stale if left to breath, but a human learning to breath and not hold their breath, thrives!

We don't need anyone's permission to feel. We won't be able to find the right words to protect other people's feelings about the truth of their choices and our honest reactions. We are not meant to stand before someone and be a whipping post of their feelings either. We are to let our emotions go and give them to the Lord (as in feel them, not lie or candy coat them, He already knows anyhow). The only thing we control in our lives is our walk and journey. It was time for me to deal with my anger and stop pretending like anger didn't exist. Emotions are not a failure, are not to be feared nor are they to be spewed out recklessly or used to control others. They are an essential part of how we are made and come with responsibility. Emotions are also not dependent on the other person accepting our response as legitimate. We need to allow them the space to own their choices as much as we need to own ours and our responses.

Blessings everyone.

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