It is harder than words can describe.

November 7th 2007 was the day I last cut. yay me! but I am just going to be honest recently everyday I hurt more and more, I thought things would get easier with time but I feel like I'm pushing a 20 ton boulder up a sheer cliff face. I am getting more tired every single day. Someone told me that it's been a year and that I must be "healed" now but self injury is not something you get healed from it is something you have to deal with day in and day out. SI is something I have a feeling will be a life long struggle because when you feel release using something it takes a very long time to find somewhere else to find release. I thought I was doing okay but things seem to be getting harder. Maybe it is the fact that stress and other things have been piling on and then one thing broke me and brought me to the place I am now. I applied to be an intern someplace back in November and I just kept waiting and waiting and waiting to hear back from them, and about a week ago I got a response that said that they had reevaluated and were looking for three types of interns those with graphic design skills, those with video production skills and those with advanced web skills, I don't really have any of those and it broke my heart because I wanted that internship so badly and I thought I was for sure going to get to be an intern. I haden't even really planned anything else for this summer because I thought I didn't need to. It was not getting that internship that has made me fall down on my face. I wish I could say that if you stop cutting things will be peachy but that would be a false hope and I think it would be better if I didn't lie to you. I feel like I have failed and I hate feeling this way.

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