Just Another One
Hello, I posted my story on this site a little while back. I can't say that I am a great deal better now than I was then. I am feeling better now, but it is feeling more and more like the calm before a storm hits. I know it will hit again, it always does, and I have resigned myself to the fact that these storms will probably come and go forever.
There are two advantages that I would say I have over these times, though. The first is that Jesus lives with me. Without God's love in my life, I would have given up long ago. The second is new to me and can be found in the Bible in Ephesians 2:19-22 19 "Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and aliens, but fellow citizens with God's people and members of God's household, 20built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, with Christ Jesus himself as the chief cornerstone. 21In him the whole building is joined together and rises to become a holy temple in the Lord. 22And in him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit."
Because of the situation I was in, I never felt like I could talk to anyone about how I felt or what was going on. This became a habit and is now to the point that when I even try to talk to people about how I feel, I instinctively shut down my emotions and I often forget what I am trying to say. I generally avoid people and have had problems fitting in with churches because I don't feel like I belong; I think that I should be at church, but then church requires that I be around people and open up to them a little. If I didn't have problems, then maybe I would open up to them, but instead I just lie and say I'm fine.
Well, it's now clear to me that God doesn't mean us to be alone. When He created Adam, He said "It is not good for man to be alone." For a while now, I have felt a love and empathy for people in my situation, people who are often depressed, people who have always suppressed their emotions, people who have been through some of the same things I have and worse, and people who have for too long ignored their own problems because they are too busy helping others. I know the pain and am not immune nor am I healed of my suffering, but all the same I sense that their are many others our there in my position and I think it would be good to talk.
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