Something Beyond Hatred

I began to cut myself when i was only 11. It seemed like an easy way to escape my old life, as if it could erase a terrible past. See i lived with my mom's dad and what was currently his 4th wife. And i was told they were my parents. Things when i was younger were a nightmare. I was beat on pretty much a daily basis, i was scared 99.9% of the time. And until i was 5 things continued like that. My mom died when i was 5, my dad when i was 7, and mybrother 5 minitues after he was born. So when i moved to new mexico with my grandparents i didn'y realize how much of a pit i had just been pulled out of. I started to realize that i had just been rescued from a living hell.
but i felt like it was all my fault; every bit of it; even my parents and brothers deaths. I thought that i was the reason the people around me had problems. I never realized that my "parents", were just always trippin on crack. But i started seeing what had happened to me was not typicial. So then i started blaming everyone BUT myself, adn became a compulsive liar, i am bi-polar; so began the cutting. People though i was a freak if they found out so i would go haome and cut more. I never thought i was in any danger. [DUMB to think so] but i thought i just was "making art" But when my grandparents found out; I lied, a normal rection for an compulsive liar,
but i see now from getting help what i was doing; and all i remember now when ifell bad i s that in his stripes your are healed; that is the most importanat thing.