Wont someone love me

Tonight i ended my realtionship with the person i think that i might have loved....maybe......I dont know. You see we werent really having a realtionship, he was using me for sex. i didnt care. it made me feel loved when i was with him. In 5th and 6th grade i was fat, and i didnt love myself at all, all i ever wanted was for someone to love me. atleast like me for who i was. over 7th grade i lost alot of weight and well now im different, better looking, and alot skinnier. ive been getting alot of attention and i guess im just not used to it, cus im feeding into the palms of the guys hands. im whoreing myself around, only because it makes me feel like they like me even though i know its not true. well back to the main story, i used to be on cloud nine with this person i was seeing. until one night at a basketball i saw him with his girlfriend. it broke my heart i wanted to cut myself right then and there. i didnt. he didnt even seem to care, even when i texted him about harming myself. i felt the same feelings the next time i saw them. its been so hard to cope with, tonight i texted him and i explained everything to him, he understood, but still inside of me i want to be with him so very bad. he made me feel so good. so special. and now it feels like my heart is ripped open. when i texted him asking if he even cared he said yes, more than anything i wanted to text him back and say to him "if you cared about me you wouldnt been having sex with me while you have a girlfriend!" but i didnt have enough courage. after that i couldnt get my mind off of him...i still cant. thats when i went to the kitchen and grabbed the knife and sliced into my shoulder and into my thigh, i only cut myself 3 times. i texted him after i cut myself telling him wht i had done. he replyed dont do that, dont cut yourself. is he oblivious of what to say! all i want him to do is to hold me in his arms and say im sooooo sorry for what i have done I will never do it to another person. for once i wished he would just show that he cares not just text me about it. im going to therapy soon, so hopefully i can address my problems.