All my life

I finally admitted something to a friend today that I needed to get off of my chest. There has never been a time in my life that I can't remember NOT masturbating. I did it even before I knew what it was.
Still even then I knew not to make it known to my parents.
Early on in grade school, someone had us come look at what someone had thrown into a garbage can. It was a dirty magazine, and the image is still burned into my mind as of this day. I remember finding some porn in my dad's drawer. I remember reading dirty parts of books over and over again. More recently it has been stories online.
I shared masturbation with my sister and cousin during the confusing teen years. I hate myself for it.
As a single woman, I felt okay spending hours working on myself, but as a married woman that was something I tried not to do. It only went well when things were going well.
Recently I have been touched by the testimonies of two people on staff at my church and how they are battling sexual/porn addiction.
And I am moved by their openness and honesty, which is why I confessed today. And I came home and installed the free accountability program, and found this site.
This is the deepest, darkest, dirtiest secret a woman, a married woman, in ministry can have. And I intend to beat it with the help of Jesus, friends, support groups, and lots of prayer. Please pray with me. Thank you.

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