But I am a GIRL!

I didn't realize it at the time, but I knew it was wrong. I might have been five or six. Me and my best friend, the pastors daughter, would play "house" or "hotel" and every time we would "pretend" to be a couple on their honeymoon, or just a fling. But at such a young age how did we think to do all that wrong stuff?
It all stopped when I was around the age of eight. i was stronger then. After going to Kids Camp, God told me to let that stuff go. So I did. When I was thirteen I started going online to play games at this girls only site when I found a forum where girls would share stories on it. That is when i got my first glimpse at online porn. I was quickly addicted to reading these stories for hours a day, while my parents thought I was just playing games. I even submitted some of my own. Once again I made myself stop. I promised God I would never go on that site again.
But through the years I still thought about it. It was always in the back of my mind. Every time I was alone on a computer i would convince myself not to look for more stories like those. My senior year of HS I got into a series of books. I was obsessed, and I enjoyed going on fanpages online. One of which contained alternate universe of the characters. It was dirty, but I was hooked. I am still hooked to this day, a year in a half later.
I want to stop. I want to not be enslaved by this. However, I do not want to disgrace my family. I don't want my friends disgusted in me. I am afraid every single one of them will judge me. I need accountability, but I am afraid to ask for it. I feel dirty, ugly, sick, and hypocritical. I know God will love me unconditionally, but i am nothing but dust. No. I am worse than that. I want to make God proud. I do not want to be enslaved any longer.

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