I don't know how to stop.....

I have no idea how it even started. I think I was sixteen and just surfing the web. I think I was on a clothing site. The devil tempted me and before I knew it I was looking in the men's underwear section......looking at the photos. But ofcourse that wasn't enough. I had to start searchin for male underwear models.................and then I started searching male strippers............in the meantime I struggled with the thought that I was gay..........."Why else would I be looking at GUYS NAKED?" That is what I would ask myself. I progressed from photos to videos....................and from clothed to nothing....................and I thought that I was done with all of this crap! I prayed at the alter at church camp and I was getting away from all of this..........and then tonight........................i just went all out again..................i looked at pictures and videos..................even though theres a filter on my computer i found away around it............even when there was mulitple times God gave me a chance to stop.................I continued to look................IS IT EVER GOING TO JUST END? Why do I have to continue scr5ewing with my head? Why can't I get it the first time................I feel so ashamed when im around my church friends.......oh yeah did I mention my dad uis a pastor? My gest freinds espescially.........If their parents knew hat I looked at this crap online they wouldnt look at me the same way...........they wouldnt cast me out but their little image of prifect jonny would be gone...........Why do i let myself falll like this............im so horrible at letting God be in control...................i just want to be done with this...................

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