I think I've gotten just a bit better.

I've taken the last few hours to think about this so please understand this isn't a simple, or even a whimsical post, its serious.

I have committed a crime, like no other, and punishable in some countries by cutting off ones own hand. I am a chronic masterbater. Yeah, doesn't sound so bad, but its staqrting to get to me.

I think I've finally found a reason to stop. I really need to change, and I've been here before but I never really did anything, I never really learned anything. Now, I have the hot line number on speed dial and the website is 1# in my bookmarks.

I really wish I had the money for that program that could block this kind of stuff. I really wish that there was an easy way. I really wish it would all just go away. There really isn't a good way to get past everything in life. I could try for one of those 'easy roads' and see myself right back here in a week or two. I guess its just like my preacher said: "Its God's strength we need in our hard times," because this just isn't something I could overcome on my own, would I be here if I could?

And to think that some piece of flesh could drive people, like me, to do that? I really don't want to get stuck in this if I get married one day. To think, one day, my wife would leave me because I'm a stupid adult who looks at pictures of other women because I have found myself driven by some unforeseeable craving. There are a lot of things I could do, but I need to get help. I believe I'm going to be calling the hot line soon to ask for some tips on how to help jump this addiction before it gets me.

Soon, I hope to be one of the guys helping others. I would love to be the one on the other end, with some of the answers for once, and not so many of the questions.

You can find help for your alcohol addiction now at heartsupport.com. You are not alone in your substance abuse and can find support.