The pain of porn

My husband and I have been married 2 years and together for 3. When we met we were instantly that annoying couple that were always doing romantic things. As soon as we were married something changed I knew something was wrong. After a year of me being upset with the level of romance and physical intamacy he finally told me it was an addition to pornography. I was so hurt and I tried hard to "help" and to "fix it" to the point I had torn myself apart, I started to suffer from panic attacks and was tring hard just to hold the my life together. At this point I gave it to him and he got better and so did I. I joined a 12 step group and threw myself into excersise and things to keep me occupied and happy. However, he is a year and 2 months sober and still the intamacy is so lacking. We are getting along but only because I don't ask for any type of intamcy past holding hands. It is so hard not to ache all over just to want to be touched like a woman and to have that closeness. I feel helpless and urge him to seek further counceling. So much is lost to pornography. My head swims to think about all that I miss and all that has happened. Even his kisses seem dead. I love my husband but yearn to be whole again. I keep vigilant faith.

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