Addicted

i'm currently 15. I don't write this for people to feel sorry for me, because all this is my own fault. The first part is not my own doing. My family had alot of tragedies occur. My uncle killed himself my bother developed a seizure disorder and my moms undergone many life saving surgeries. I spent alot of time alone, utterly alone. My grandpa died my grandma moved. I then got addicted to cutting and became suicidal. I starved myself. But this year that wasn't enough. My body needed more. I had o.d on painkillers before, but this time it was extreme and a bigger variety of pills. I became addicted and did it almost every day, more than 4 times a day, multiple pills at a time sometimes up to 30 at a time, vicodin, adderol, antidepressents and alot more. I began smoking, alot. I became a chain smoker, id smoke cigar followed by 3 cigarettes and a few more cigars in just 30 minutes. Id do that all day long, every day. Many ppl say you cant get addicted to weed, but you think its fun, and it psycologically addicting. I smoke weed every day and tamperded with other things. Id give any money i had for just a little bit of whatever i could get, this took a toll on my memory and my judgement, i had sex while under the influence. I have not don e anything for around 10 weeks, but my emotions are crazy and i would like that part of my life back, i can't remember hardly anything for the majority of last year. I still have cravings for an apple cigar because not only was i a chain smoker but i was also a stress smoker, sometimes i miss all of my old friends and my old "fun", but i can't ruin my whole life. i made by bed, i did ly in it and now ive got up.

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