brief overview of a life full of choices

making a choice in the moment...i never thought it would affect me years later. ive moved around as a kid and i always made friends and was in with the crowd. everywhere i went people enjoyed my company. i started hanging out with my current boyfriend and ive been raised in a christian home, he was not. we get along though...we are best friends...he comes to church...but he says its for me not him or God or anything. addiction and depression run in my family (FYI) and i started smoking pot and i enjoy that escape so much. ive been thinking of quitting but then when i do want to a situation comes up and i dont know. the longest ive been clean is like 3 weeks and i feel terrible im not strong enough to keep clean. ive drank before and cut just for that moment..that choice. i want to be strong...i know i can be...i want my life back of friends wanting me every day and weekend, being at the top for sports and not just average, my family not fighting and getting angry and i know its because of me and my dependency of pot..i can see ive hurt them so much, and most of all i want to know who i am..i want to not be a failure anymore. i want to be able to say im smart, pretty, and happy. i dont want the weed to say it for me. my boyfriend is clean..and i dont know..id just like a friend (besides God, i know hes always there). i have a boyfriend and i have a family that loves me unconditionally...but how about a best friend again (i have one 423 miles away, but it makes for a hard best friendship) i want to not be trapt. if only ive made a different choice...if only id make the choice now and be strong

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