Day by Day
Almost all of my family are druggies, alcholics, ect; or have been. When I was 7 years old my father left. Thats when it all went down hill. Things started out small by simply not listening to the rules. Getting in trouble. My mother to me seemed like a sex addict. Every night, the bar, a new man. I witnessed her sex life. I grew up way too fast. At age 8, she met John,who is now my step dad, and Christianity became a normal routine in my life. Over the years I have gotten into many fights with him. Sometimes things got violent. When I turned 9 I went to live with my father. Getting in trouble escalated and things got worse even though he had a new women in his life by now to keep me in shape. At age 10 I moved back with my mother because they couldn't handle me anymore. Then is when I first experienced my mother trying to kill herself by taking a whole bottle of some kind of pills. At age 11 my great grandmother died of old age. Sure, she was my GREAT grandma, but she was someone I was very close to. During this year, my mom, step dad, me and my siblings moved to a small town called Wickenburg. During 7th grade when I was 13 I had problem with cutting myself. My mother and me were kicked out of our house. She had become pregnant before then and we lived at a friends house for a few months. Finally we found a small appartment to live in. While still getting in trouble, things got violent between my mother and I. I regret hurting her while something so precious was inside her. I got caught cutting myself in Science class. Yes, It was stupid, especially to do it in class, but I did. The next day, I was immediately flown to my dad's house in Colorado. There I got into smoking pot and cigarettes and partying. I got involved with the wrong crowd and the wrong guy. Sure I was friends with everyone but as being friends with everyone, there's always those people that are trouble makers. My parents obviously didn't approve. Things happened that I only keep to myself. No one knows except me and that guy. But Im still a virgin so dont get that idea. I wanted to get the first flight back to Arizona, back to my mom. But I had to stay for the rest of the school year, and It only made things worse. Towards the end of the year I found out that my best friend, Joey, had cut up both his arms and legs, leaving barely any skin on the inside of the top part of his legs and the inside of his arms from his wrists to his elbows. I told him to stop, I tried to help. But summer finally was in the air and I had to leave. June 10, 2008; RIP Joey M. Ledbetter. My best friend had committed suicied. I remember wanting to leave this world and find him. Just wanting to be with him. At this time I had begun to not eat right. Not sleeping right, and starting to smoke again. My eating disorder still bothers me and Im the only one that knows. I barely eat anymore and everyone is too stupid to get a clue. Sorry, but really. My mom works at Remuda Ranch. A christian eating disorder facility, sure she works on the computer but doesn't something seem wrong to them? Sure, I dont want them to find out, but.. I dont know. Anyways, recently I got caught smoking at school and I had to go to court. I'v gotten caught sneeking out. Gotten caught going to a party. Ha it probly sounds funny about how much I get caught doing something. But soemtimes to me it seems like how much worse could it get. Yah, I hate not being able to get on the computer or listen to music or have my phone or go anywhere. But no matter what they do, it just makes things worse and I keep doing my habits. So here I am today. 14 years of age. Turning 15 on February 11th, 2009. I still have an eating problem. I still smoke. I still occassionally smoke pot and go to parties. On 10/27/08 I have to go to court for 4 hrs as a punishment for getting caught smoking under age. My story will probly be continued. But until next time, I'll write again.
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