Forever A Cutter

Someone once told me I cut so I will always remember.
I cut to forget and forgive.

I don't cut myself for your approval.
I don't cut myself fro your attention.
I do cut myself for satisfaction.
The Satisfaction of knowing that it is I who hold the power.
I who put this blade to my skin.
I who controls, how deep how much how far I will go.
When the blade splits my skin i get this overwhelming rush
of euphoria, relief, it feels so good like a dream, damn it's
almost orgasmic. The blood trickles down my skin drenches
the floor with its sticky mess. It smells like copper.

After almost 12 years that strong smell of copper reminds me of home.
It welcomes me with open arms, big hugs and kisses. It takes me to
a familiar place that if I didn't have....well damn I would be lost. I am
now and forever and will always be a cutter. It's what make me ME!!


How do I express myself? Where do i go? Who can I turn to? The blade!!
Shiny and silver and cold metal. I pour my hearts sorrows to it.
My confusion, my pain, my soul and yes even my happiness. I share
everything with it. It always has a solution. We sit in silence, heart
thumping in ear, breathing heavily, trembling, watching the pain,
the sin, the drama, the torture....my hearts torture stain the linoleum.
Then everything becomes silent. I didn't ask for these feeling, don't
wanna be all extra fucking sensitive...I never asked for this pain, to be able
to feel pain. Cut my heart out my chest. Put it in a envelope. Lick the stamp.
Return to sender. From the mind of a cutter.....

You can find help for your alcohol addiction now at heartsupport.com. You are not alone in your substance abuse and can find support.