ive lost my hero

ever since i was a child, ive had it somewhat rough. when i was a baby to four years old, my brother and i was abused by my real father. then dcfs came in and things happened to get him away from us all. well then my mother met who is now my step father, who was a cop at the time. and i still had visitations with my father and when the abuse kept coming, we cut all ties with him and he kept the child support and said he never wanted my brother and i, that he wanted the money more than us because were not worth it..well then i was ad.opted into my step fathers family who i adore so much because theyre now my only family. when i came into the family so young, i tended to look up to my older cousins. i grew up never really feeling a part of the family like everyone else but there was one person of that whole family who i was so close to, who i loved and adored, i looked up to her everyday. that person was my cousin erica...shes my other half, the one who makes me smile at the hardest of times. shes gone thru everything and knows me inside and out. but ive lost her thru a family fight between her and my mother. my mother never really accepted her because of her past drug abuse and problems..but i looked past her faults and saw the amazing happy person she was. and without her this month has been a living hell. i have no contact with her, she has taken my off her phone and myspace and willnot ever text or call me back. and it breaks my heart. i just wnat to know shes not angry with me and that she still loves me. i pray that we can be together again. because im a mess without her. i love that gurl to death because she really is my other half. without her so many things have turned around for the worst, im depressed, alone, hurt, upset, im losing friends and people to drugs and alcohol now, i feel more unaccepted then ever. im confused, im nervous, i dont knwo what to do anymore..my life now has no positive thoughts, feelings or ideas. its feeling like my life is falling apart wihtout a fully connected family and my best friends with me. i cant sleep, i can barely eat,everything seems to be going terribly because of the loss of my cousin, friend, and hero. my dad and i are continuing to fight and fight, school is even going bad again. please help me because i need guidance and help in my life and support along the way because thats whats missing now.

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