Pot Helps???

I guess I never really thought it was possibly to get addicted to marijuana. I've always heard that it was a gateway drug, and there's no real evidence that someone can actually physically become addicted to it. Now that always made me feel crazy, because I've tried to stop smoking - several times. Sometimes I was successful but others, not so much. In the most recent past times, it was never successful. Although I knew it was bad, and it wasn't actually helping, it seemed like it was the only thing that Was helping. Or maybe it was that it was the only way I knew how to deal with my problems. Growing up I never learned healthy ways to cope with lifes never-ending problems, thus today making it very difficult for me to cope with anything. It could be the smallest inconveniant thing, or it could be a very big something. Either way I seemed to always turn to what I knew best - Pot. When I found myself laying in bed crying over some stupid boy, my answer was to get high. When I fought with my mom, my best friend, anyone for that matter, getting high was the first thing I thought of. It was always the first option for anything I ever went through, it got so bad that even when I was happy, when I was proud of myself, when I achieved something I didn't think I could achieve, my first thought was ' let's smoke a blunt to celebrate ' . It became an everyday thing, an all day thing. Never Never ending.

Now I'm not going to sit here and say that I have been clean for a while because I haven't. It's only been 2 days since I last took a hit, but I've come to the decision that I have no choice but to quit. My life has completely gone down the drain. I'm almost 19 years old and I have Nothing to show for it. I don't have a job, I didn't finish school, I still live at home, and depression seems to overwhelm me all the time. For a while I've been in search of ways to deal with my addiction, and like I said before, for a while I didn't even think I had a problem. But I suppose getting high all day, driving under the influence, losing everything I've worked my behind off to get, friendships out the window, relationships with my family out the window, more importantly my relationship with GOD. Yeah I think I do have a problem.

For me that was the hardest part, admitting that I actually do have a problem. I'm guessing it's that way for alot of other people too. But I've hit rock bottom. I can't get any lower then I am at this point. And it hurts so bad knowing that I let myself get like this, that I let a simple drug mold my life into what it is today. But that just makes me strive to change so much more. I've seen brighter days, I've been happy and drug-free, I know for a fact it's possible. I've done it, I've sobered up before, I just fall back in.

But I've made a vow to myself, the people I love, and GOD, that I will overcome this addiction. It won't follow behind me, it won't linger in the air, it will just be a part of my past that I learned from. I'm strong enough to do it. Anyone can do it, it's just a matter of finding your balance in life, what makes you happy. For me that balance is GOD, and I know that with Him all things are possible.

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