The Craving, The Detachment, My Life

Let me start this off honestly, I love weed.
I was introduced to smoking by an older friend back in December of '08. The first time was a thrilling experience for me, but decided that I wouldn't seek the drug, but if it was offered i would gladly accept. At the beginning of this ordeal, I only smoked about twice a month, but soon enough I started running with all the wrong kids, and was smoking only over the weekends, but on the weekends I smoked about three times a day.
Because of all this I lost many of the friends that I was so close with. But I gained more friends, for all the wrong reasons. People started offering more and more and I was up to the challenge of showing them I wasn't some pansy 14 year old. Soon, I was a familiar face at parties and was proud of the fact that I could hold my liquor.
What I wasn't seeing at the time was that each time I got high or drunk, it was becoming less and less fun or exciting, and I was doing it to replace the void of friends who ignored me and a family that I felt no emotional connection to. I felt like I didn't fit in anymore with anyone, because instead of opening up to people about different problems, I fell for the drugs to replace the worry with a unattached high from the world. I was fading more and more by the day.
Then to my surprise, most of the kids I smoked with started quiting. I tried too, but it turned out to be in vain. I sneaked around and did what ever I could get my hands on. Although I do a lot less, it's the craving that's going to drive me crazy.
I love it, But it's out to ruin me. I want to be saved, but I can't stand the thought of life without it. If they're is a god, or any higher power out there, I think they've forgotten about me. But I can't blame them, I look like a lost cause to myself.
This state of mind, is something that I wish upon no one.
Please, don't end up like me or anyone like me. Cuz I don't even have it as bad as others...

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