Too Much
Maybe you can't stop eating. Maybe the comfort of food is sometimes too great to let go of. Food has been your company and been able to fill the void inside. Sometimes you eat until you can't eat anymore, and you weren't even hungry to begin with. Are you one of the people that eats in response to just about anything? No matter what emotion you are going through, or what you are dealing with, you eat.
It's hard when the thing you struggle with is something you still need to do everyday, multiple times each day. It's okay though because you don't have to eat like this forever.
Too Little
You are not alone in your struggle with food. Perhaps your struggle with your eating patterns started a long time ago and you don't ever see a way in which you will be able to "eat normal". Maybe you have just never liked your body, you have never felt comfortable in your skin, or maybe someone said something about your appearance and you have never recovered from it.
Not eating much at all, eating then throwing up, and eating way too much in an out of control manner are all serious issues. Its hard when the thing you struggle with is something you still need to do everyday, multiple times each day. However, please remember that you can overcome this. If you are currently dealing with one of these issues, please open up to someone and talk to him or her about what you're going through. Talking through your issues is the best way toward the first step toward taking care of yourself.
If you are going through one of these issues, or have previous experience with these issues, please upload a video or write a letter on this site to those that are struggling each and every day with these issues.
Next Steps
Please talk with a friend or family member. Share with them where you are at in your life and the struggles that you are facing. Being open and honest with someone is the most important step to recovery.
You can begin this process by clicking on Live Help and talking with one of us. We also hope that you'll read an article, watch a video, or simply see something on this site that encourages you to get help.
Share your story with others. Tell us your story, create a video for heartsupport and upload it to the site, and begin telling others about your life and the journey you are on. You are on a journey towards wholeness and we believe that sharing it with others is not only good for you, but good for other people to hear as well.
The Constant Pain
Sarah Drudy (15), Pittsburgh, PA
For fourteen years of my life you could say I was the happiest kid in America, maybe even the world. I had a loving family, a close connection with all of them, especially my brother, and, of course, a strong belief of Jesus. Then, right before I turned 9, my brother, Matt, committed suicide right in his bedroom. Being nine, I was mournful, but I got over it. (Within my siblings we normally split up, 2 and 2. Heather, my older sister, and Shannon, my younger twin sister, were always with each other. Leaving Matt and I inseparable from the day I was born). Eventually it caught up to me when I turned fourteen because I finally realized that Matt was no longer here.
At first, I lost multiple hours of sleep, ranging anywhere from 0-6 hours a night for many months. Luckily, my friend, Stephen (at the time he was 19), noticed that I wasn't acting the same, and I was getting the 'black eye' symptom. Holding this in for nearly 7 months starts to get really hard to do, so when he asked, "What's wrong," I immediately started telling him of my pains. For around 4 months I was happy and getting normal amounts of sleep each night because I was able to talk with him about all those things.
Unfortunately, the 5th anniversary of Matt's death rolled around and I started not being able to breathe very easily. I was experiencing extreme chest pain, lack of interest and fainting spells. One night, it became extremely hard to function, due to a massive amount of pain, so my mom took me to the hospital. Thankfully nothing was wrong, but I couldn't settle for that answer. I searched through numerous heart and respiratory diseases, and I finally deduced my problem to chronic depression and stress.
During my research I began to pick up a horrible view of my body, especially how much I weighed. (In October 2007, I was 5'5" and 148 lbs--very close to being in the 'last 50 pounds until obesity' category, meaning I was overweight and hating it). When I started to lose weight I was doing it the old fashion way, eating healthier and exercising a LOT more. After I had lost nearly 10 pounds within two months things started to get worse. In my opinion, ten pounds in 2 months is just not enough, so I became very disappointed in myself; causing me to stop eating lunch. Within the next month I lost ten more pounds and I became very proud of myself (not to the point were I gloated about because I was still conscientious about how I looked and weighed).
--I was 128 pounds by Christmas time--
(These horrible eating habits started because I felt worthless and I didn't feel like life had anything to offer because Matt was gone, making me the third wheel between my siblings).
March 2008 rolled around and I was still not eating lunch, but somehow gaining weight. (Putting me at 138 pounds again). Then on Easter Sunday my stomach started to fight back and I threw up unexpectedly the whole day. After I finally stopped, I got on the scale and checked my weight; I was 131. I lost EIGHT POUNDS from throwing up, so I started this habit to try and make myself thinner and 'happier' more rapidly.
Ironically when I started throwing up, I started to cut. I really started to miss my brother so much because Heather came home for the summer, and Shannon and her were back to leaving me out. Every couple of weeks a new mark would appear on my body, starting with the sides of left wrist and ending (as of 6.29.08) with my left foot. With all these grievances and evil habits I began to see a therapist and lose sleep (ranging from 0-6 hours again). So far he has helped me out a ton, but I am in need of serious prayer and time to fully recover from this.
Last week I went to CIY for the first time, and I was blown away by the speakers, worship time and, most importantly, the Heart Support part. It compelled me to tell my story and read about others, because I feel like the only person going through this.
I have had numerous times were things got so bad I wanted to kill myself. For example, during a van ride back from our 'CIY beach night' youth group time, I couldn't stand how much weight I thought I gained and how much I missed the times Matt would take me out to the beach by ourselves when we went to Florida. (We had seventeen people in a fifteen passenger van at the time and one seat was taken out for our luggage to fit on the way there and back. So five of us had to sit on the floor, including me). I was sitting on the floor, right next to the locked back door. All I could think of was, "Look, Sarah. No one will care if you just unlock this door and roll out to be run over by the semi-truck right behind you," Thankfully I texted my youth minister, who was driving the van, "Can we talk before bedtime?" We got back to the lovely Sheraton hotel and I cried on his shoulder for a while. If he wasn't there to talk to me, I might not be here to type my story.
