I wanted so desperately to have someone comfort me, but halfway through reaching for my phone, I pulled my hand back. No one would understand. I cried out to God but didn’t hear anything back, so I stopped praying. He won’t do anything. I wanted to sprint far away from where I was. Move, and maybe in moving I would forget what I was moving from. Or do, and maybe in doing I would outdo what I couldn’t undo.

But whatever I could do or wherever I could go, I could only imagine being alone. No one else knows what it’s like to not be able to stop looking at porn when other people are in the room. They don’t know, and I would rather them not know than be rejected. I already feel alone enough as it is. And God doesn’t do anything I ask Him to. I tried. Believe me, I tried. But I almost feel more alone talking and not hearing anything back than not talking at all.

It’s scarier to find out that I’m actually alone than it is to just imagine it. 

So I just accepted that I was.

Maybe someone’s done something to you, and no one else knows about it. Maybe you’ve done something to someone else you couldn’t possibly speak. Maybe you’ve thought things, seen things, taken things, ingested things you can’t tell anyone. And maybe you came to the same conclusion I did…that it’s better to just keep it that way than to find out something worse…that you’re alone.

And to be honest, it’s safer and easier to think that. I know because for a long time I thought that.

My girlfriend was perfect and didn’t struggle with anything. The guys in my small group didn’t have problems with porn or lust. My best friend didn’t understand why I struggled with it, and outside of him, I didn’t really have any other friends. My family never talked about it. Anytime my church did, they told me I needed to figure it out, that I wasn’t good enough, and that I was wrong. And God just didn’t talk back to me.

For six months, I wanted to keep my mouth shut securely around the secret I didn’t want to spill, and I wanted to keep my hands clenched tightly around my bootstraps I was supposed to pull.

And then one day, I met someone who was just as messed up as me, who had gone through stuff that sucked like I had experienced, who struggled with the same stuff I did. And he introduced me to a group of people who were the same way. And they had friends who were too.

There was something about knowing that other people were messed up too that comforted me. I wasn’t behind the curve, crawling dead last in a race everyone else had finished. I wasn’t a monster, a degenerate that just didn’t quite ‘get it’. I wasn’t alone. In fact, I really wasn’t. Turned out, there were a LOT of other people just like me.

When I realized that, I found out that my imagination was actually scarier than the reality. Because the reality is,

you’re not alone.

And let me be the person that tells you: I’m just as messed up as you are; I go through some stuff that sucks too; I struggle with a lot of similar things to you. I’m a porn addict. I cut other people down to make myself look good. I’ve manipulated people and done things I can’t take back. When I get sad, I try to hurt other people so I feel better. And I pretend that I’m not any of these things because I want you to think I’m good enough.

I’m HUMAN. And take this as permission to be human too–a human that is NOT alone. One that hurts and suffers and struggles like every other human you see. And even the ones you don’t, they hurt and suffer and struggle just like you.

Oh, and let me introduce you to a group of people who are the same way:

welcome to Heart Support.

We’re all here for the same reason because at one point we felt alone. But today, here, right now, we’re not. Because you have me. And I have you. And we…well…we have each other.

So I invite you…EXACTLY THE WAY YOU ARE because you’re good enough RIGHT NOW…to not be alone.

Email me: nate@heartsupport.com.

Chat with people on the prayer wall.

Contact other Heart Support members you connect with.

Ask us a question.

Whatever you do, I invite you to be surprised. Surprised because your imagination is far worse than your reality. Surprised because you are not alone in your struggle. Surprised because when you reach out here, you will find someone reaching back.

So REACH. And be surprised.

I know I was still young then, but it felt like all the women around me had a dashing finance major with their arms around them, and I was a little frustrated. There are so many voices telling singles to find contentment in being single, to be patient, to wait. Only, a lot of those words weren’t what I wanted to hear as a single woman.

So I stopped waiting. I stopped being the girl kicking her feet in a chair at the dance. I quit sizing up men in my classes and especially at church where I was sure my future husband was at, helping the youth, leading a bible study or saving the world.

I lived my life— without the single label shadowing over me. I ate pancakes at 1 a.m. with my friends. I wrote madly. I worked hard in my classes. I unashamedly took long study breaks with my roommates, and in all that, I realized I was happy. I hadn’t been looking to find contentment. I had just been looking to live my life.

Single women, you don’t have to wait on the perfect man to start living. God isn’t waiting to move in your life. He’s working now, which means you have the right to live your life now.

Romans says that, “we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

We weren’t created to be just wives and girlfriends. We were created to be God’s daughter. Singleness isn’t a place for waiting. God’s work and plan for you starts now no matter what your relationship status is. I had to realize that God wasn’t working through my singleness to just make me a better wife. He was working to make me his.

I’m happily married now, but the purpose hasn’t changed. I’m still being molded and chipped at in order to become the woman God wants me to be, and it happens in singleness too. I had to stop seeing singleness as a phase “to get over.” God isn’t going to let those years go to waste in waiting. His word says he works with purpose today and now in you.

Please watch this video from Jake Luhrs

HEART SUPPORT DONATION LEVELS

$5 – Become an official HeartSupport member and receive our newsletter PLUS exclusive news and discounts on all merch items!

$25 – Gift Pack (Stickers, button pack, wristband) + HeartSupport membership

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I massaged a headache helplessly and leaned my head into the steering wheel. I had just finished filing a 10-page newspaper to the printer at 1 a.m. and knew I hadn’t studied the past perfect conjugations of Spanish verbs for my quiz at 8 a.m.

I was exhausted.

As a senior in college, I served as the editor in chief for my school’s newspaper, working five days a week until midnight or later. I was also taking 13 hours of classes, some of which were 8 a.m. classes that didn’t complement my late work nights. I didn’t sleep much that year and when I did it was in 10 minute intervals with my head buried under the couch cushions to hide from the sun, my e-mail, my books.

I had friends and wanted to see and a boy (now my husband) I wanted to spend time with, but I felt I had nothing to give them or any of my other responsibilities.

I hated feeling empty, and I hated having halfway conversations with my friends and co-workers. I knew I wasn’t being the best friend or boss or student I could be, but my mind was packed with to-do lists.

Burnout was breaking me.

I was too tired to strike back, so I stepped back, and I heard my roommate reminding me to take a break and smiled when my boyfriend brought me dinner at work. I cheered on my coworkers when we published a stellar paper. And I celebrated when I passed a Spanish test.

These things had already been happening through my exhaustion, but I had stopped looking for them.  In the chaos that was rocking my schedule, I had quit on me.

Don’t lose your soul to exhaustion. Sleep and relaxation and fun aren’t meant to be just a bonus to your routine. They are things meant to be a consistent part of it. When I was only somewhat present, I missed out on great things and a life that was designed for joy.

And if I needed a boost, I needed to do what so many have done before me by lifting my head from my chest and looking to God. Psalm 121:1-2 says “I lift up my eyes to the mountains—where does my help come from?My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.”

I have to learn how to get the rhythm of work and play right, and I find the most encouragement in knowing that it’s OK to break my demanding routine. It’s OK to experience life. It’s OK to go to Jesus tired.

Today, I still need to be reminded to take a break and take a look around. For me, exhaustion can signal frustration.

And I don’t want to be frustrated.

And I don’t want to miss things because I was “too tired.”

I’m just starting to realize that what a lot of people call their “career” “passion” or “desire” can often times be an unknown addiction in their heart, but no one seems to see it that way.

Especially if what they’re doing isn’t “hurting” anyone….

I bring this up because I just happen to be that guy. I’m addicted to quite a few things in my life.  And in realizing this, I’ve discovered that moderation is the key to avoiding an addiction, because of the balance you set in motion.

I’m not here to start a debate over whether alcohol is right or worng, you have to make that decision yourself based on your beliefs, but let’s think about it for a second.

Would a glass of wine with dinner be considered evil? Not by many people. But would drinking 8 bottle of wine and waking up in a ditch be considered destructive? Definitely!

Moderation is the key. A drink no longer becomes a “drink” but drunkenness. When something is taken to the extreme it can easily become an addiction becuase the balance is no longer there. It doesn’t even have to be alcohol. If you consume 5 sodas a day think about how destructive all that sugar is towards your body. Yet, it’s quite common for many people and high school students to drink soda after soda without thinking of the consequences. It’s funny that we put limitations on things we see as “evil” due to social stigma, but the reality is EVERYTHING can be taken to the extreme if there’s not balance.

Lets look at other ways we can see a “good thing” go bad.

Fathers.

Perhaps you know a parent like this or this is your dad. He works 10 hour days 5-6 days a week. Then he comes home and is so exhausted that he needs to just relax on the couch or go to bed early?

This is another good thing gone wrong. The man is picking up his responsibility to work and support his family and he’s providing. I applaud that as so many other fathers just decide to shut the door, get in the car and never return.

But the problem is he’s overworking himself and is unable to feed his family emotionally or spiritually. He lacks his own personal time, time with family and is unfortunately always running on empty which leads him to being there physically but being checked out emotionally.  And this is why you see so many young men and women who had everything they wanted in life, and yet completely hate their fathers.

What about relationships?

How many of us have been OBSESSED with someone? I know I’m guilty!

I’m fairly certain I stalked a girl in middle school. I straight up called her all the time, always talking about her, trying to “bump” into her at parties or shows. I’d even try and flirt with other girls around her to make her jealous. The funny thing is we were friends and actually had an amazing relationship. We would open up to one another and end up talking for hours on the phone and often discuss very real personal issues.

The problem?

I was in the dreaded “friend zone”.

In the end, I tried taking it somewhere way beyond with my obsession over her. That only distanced us and pretty soon she wanted nothing to do with me.

We need to really take a look at what we desire/love/want and see how we are keeping balance in our lives.

If we desire to have relationships with others then we need to make sure we don’t get consumed by them. We love working hard at our jobs or dreams. Let’s just make sure we don’t end up abandoning other important things in our lives while doing so. Enjoy a tasty beverage from time to time? Sure, just don’t let it control you.

Bottom line? You should have control in the things in life or they will end up controlling you.

I’m a former Music major (just switched) at a college in a tiny town, in Upstate New York, called Oneonta. I love music, I’m a huge nerd, and I love people. I consider myself outgoing, and extroverted, but only when I’m in my comfort zone, which will segue into what I will be talking about. I’ve noticed that when I’m inside my comfort zone, with my on-campus support group, is only when I’m outgoing. If I were to tell my friends that I’m depressed or discouraged, 80% of the time, they wouldn’t believe me.

As pathetic as it sounds, and this is where it gets personal, what discourages me the most are girls. Being on a college campus where, I believe, the girl to guy ratio is like 2 or 3:1….sucks. Especially when ‘girls’ (personally) is the cause of my discouragement. Now before I get myself knee deep in comments from the ladies, I have nothing against you, trust me. It’s anything from seeing the cute girl in class or the dining hall, to passing someone in between classes. I’ve come to realize recently that this is because of my horrendous self-image.

I lack self-confidence. I look down on myself significantly. I think that the image I see of ugliness, deters those girls away from me.

BUT! (This is the important part. The part I’ve been trying to get to this entire blog)
None of this is true! That’s the glorious part! Our significant other, mine from the writers perspective, and yours from the readers perspective, isn’t going to want to look purely at the cover of the book that is our outer appearance, but is going to want to dig right into the book of your inner being. They are going to love you for what they read. That girl, or guy, is going to want know you and your deepest desires. And even though that cute guy in your Calculus class or that cute girl that sits in your History class, doesn’t give you an ounce of attention, there’s someone out there that’s thinking you are the most gorgeous thing in the world and they’re dying to meet you.

The point I want to make is that you were made in God’s image. I may be taking this saying COMPLETELY! out of context, but it is a wonderful reminder that your negative self-image is not true, and that you are a beautiful human being, and the lies of negativity is of Satan, and he has ZERO authority over us.

I hope at least someone benefits from this. I pray for you all, and God Bless

- Ethan

Hey Christians…Question:

Is Jesus’ prerogative to judge the people He came to save? Or to love and heal them?

Can we please stop judging others who actually know nothing about Christ? Can we instead be involved in their lives, caring for their needs, serving them, and showing them love as opposed to destructive tongue lashings?

Jesus came to work with the wounded and save us from ourselves. Perhaps our judgment and finger pointing is actually proving to everyone just how un-christian we are. If we actually live, love, and walk with Jesus then we wouldn’t be so hateful, hurting and judgmental.

Part of actually believing in Christ, is understanding that everyone needs Him. Not a single person on this earth is perfect. He is the only one who ever was. Now whether the people of this earth accept him as God and one that wants to heal what’s inherently broken within humanity  is up to the individual. But whoever judges a man based on his lack of belief in our Christian God is just as equally lacking because of his judgment.

Christ didn’t get thrown on the cross and murdered for His “followers” to point the finger at the rest of the world and start popping off judgment!

Can I ask a question? What got you through the door of salvation? Hard work? Sweat and tears? Sacrifice? Strength? Obedience? Commitment? Bravery? Courage? Your love for others?

NOPE. You didn’t do a thing to earn his love.
You didn’t raise a hand or even break a sweat, let alone bleed. What is it then that makes us think we’re so special? Are we really so different from the guy on the street that doesn’t know Jesus?

You’d think people that really KNOW Jesus wouldn’t come off so condescending, cocky, or just plane rude. They’d instead be humble, patient, and kind.

Think about this:

A man comes to you claiming to be God. He tells you that no matter how unfaithful you are as his creation he’ll still love you and wants to love you unconditionally. It’s in his nature to love you that way. He’ll hold no record of wrong against you, forgive you when you constantly blow it, and when you die you’ll get to go to heaven and live in absolute joy and perfection and never experience sorrow or suffering again.

All you have to do is believe he’s God,trust him, and be one of his followers.

Doesn’t seem to bad deal, does it?

Why then is it that no one wants anything to do with it?

The most common answer is because people see the actions of those who claim to follow Jesus as hypocritical, judgmental, rude, stuck up, and really strange.

The sad part is Jesus gets the bad wrap because his followers keep handing out black eyes to those around them.

Instead of handing out black eyes, what if we looked a little bit more like how he lived? Handing out love, service, and sacrificial care to others. Why is this not the mentality in our “Christian” family? What’s gone so wrong that we look nothing like him and more like the Pharisees?

Please…… the call is love, gentleness, kindness, service, and sacrifice.

This is important. You are reflecting your God.

It’s tough to be a Christian woman. We’ve got words like modesty and grace and prim and proper to contend with – words that don’t always fit us, and the truth is, that’s OK.

I, myself, prefer sweatpants over skinny jeans. I’m not great at Pinterest crafts. I’m sarcastic and I wear T-shirts, and it bothered me that I felt like I wasn’t graceful or poised enough.

The reality is God uses all kinds of women for his purpose, and I think we forget that. Abraham’s wife Sarah, who believed she was too old, laughed in disbelief when God told her she’d have a child. But she did. Gomer was a prostitute and adulteress and still God blessed her marriage to Hosea. Mary was a teenager set to wed a carpenter.

And God used them all.

We’re not meant to be an army of perfect wives and daughters and friends and sisters. We’re not meant to maintain that image. In fact, that image isolates us. It worries me when I hear other women say they won’t go to church because of the looks they’ll get.

For their hair.

For their clothes.

For their lifestyle.

For their jobs.

Their concerns are based on a notion that the church is a model of perfection when it’s really a crowd of broken souls. Maybe, women, it’s time we bare our scars because it’s not true that your role as a Christian woman is supposed to look like the one of the woman next to you.

It’s a lie. The church is full of people with different talents and honestly, if it wasn’t, Christianity would be boring.

But it’s not meant to be boring.

You’re meant to tell stories that can’t be explained without God’s grace. Not yours. God loves the unique. He made us that way. It’s a common idea pushed in ads and feel-good quotes: that you’re awesome just the way you are, that you’re uniqueness is beautiful.

Only it doesn’t always get through the church, and here is where it’s used the most.

Psalm 139: 13-16 reads, “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.”

Maybe you haven’t heard this before. Maybe you’ve forgotten, but the truth is it’s OK not to be graceful. It’s OK to prefer sweatpants. It’s OK to be you.

Check out the press release on New Noise!

What’s that? JAKE LUHRS & BEAU BOKAN?

At the HeartSupport tent, Jake will be speaking with the community and signing. In addition, Blessthefall’s lead vocalist Beau Bokan will be signing at the tent and selling merch from his clothing line, Golden Heart Shine Forever as well as other special guests! Ben Sledge will be joining for the last 2 weeks of Warped Tour. Our community is encouraged to check the HeartSupport Twitter and Facebook page every day for signing times and ways in which you can promote or be at the booth to help out with flyers, street team, word of mouth, etc.