Other Challenges - HeartSupport.com

Watch out Hell.

User-Submitted — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 13:33:36 -0500

If you have a steady walk with Christ, you probably already know or should know that if there is a God, there is also the devil. Yes, the devil, we don't like to talk about him too much on sunday mornings. We don't aknowlege him like we do our Savior, but we obviously we must know that he is there, trying his hardest to bring us off of our Saviors path. He can't hurt the Father, so he tries to hurt his children. Now if you are aware of the battle in our minds and flesh, you may know of protecting yourself with God's armor, with his word, and with his blood. We know that our God is greater than this enemy, stronger than this oppising force. It seems we all have that little subtle voice nagging at us, saying things like "it's okay to look at a little bit of pornography today, you've been good, go ahead have sex with your girlfriend, you've been premarital sex free for months. Go ahead cheat a little, lie a little, get angry at that person, theyre not acting right towards you." Do these thoughts sound familiar? They mostly likely will to any Christian, but like I said we know that our God is greater, our God is stronger and he can teach us to live by his Spirit rather than our flesh. It is a great practice to ask God to teach you to live by his Spirit, to be hungry for his Spirit, rather than lust, anger, and things of that nature. So, we can live clean no matter what those thoughts say, we live by the Word of God and not those nagging thoughts that ARE the enemy trying to convince you to leave God's path. Learning these defenses from God and his Word are great practices, but there is more! Here's the thing, in this whole act of taking defense and putting up that shield of faith, it seems to me that we get comfortable just taking shots. Whether we be blocking them or not, were taking shots. Constantly playing defense rather than some offense. How many of you know it takes offense and defense to win the game? We as Christians need to always learn to fire back. We don't have to let our loved ones be victims of depression, anger, lust or just being lost in general. As Christians we are not just called to sit around and take shots, but we are here to take authority! Matthew 10:8 "Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse those who have leprosy, drive out demons. Freely you have received, freely give." These are words given from Jesus to the disciples. We are Jesus' disciples, we follow this! We do this!This is our duty as Christians! If you are reading this and you have felt that all you do is take shots from the enemy, all you do is play defense, try to be "good" for God; you're made for even MORE than that! You are made to serve and to worship, you are not the devil's item, you are a son or daughter of the living God Almighty! You were made to shine. So get up it you're curdeled over in the corner, blocking those flaming arrows, and get up with your shield and fight! You have a shield of faith, the bible says. You also according to the word in Ephisians have a sword; the Sword of the Spirit. Ask God to teach you to wield this weapon. It is sharper than any double edged sword. When you speak it, life begins, when you speak it, the sick are healed, the broken souls of our generation are made new. Stay on God's path, yes, take up your shield of faith, yes, but don't forget to also take up your sword. The greatest strategy of spiritual warfare is to love your neighbor as yourself, and to use prayer and faith to tear down walls built up around you and others. Remember, no sickness is too bad for God to heal, no man is too blind, no man is too deaf, or too mute or too crippled. No home is too broken for God to repair, no soul is too torn for God to mend. We are children and soldiers of a living God! Today you tell the enemy, we come in the name of "Jesus," and we come to preach the word, to drive out demons and too heal the sick. Watch out Hell, we are an army built by God.

What means more?

User-Submitted — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 13:31:13 -0500

I'm just a 19 year old kid with diabetes trying to live my life. It has had its challenges and has been hard for the past year. I've been homeless for the past year. Staying from place to place, couch to couch, or sleeping in my vehicle is no life for a 19 year old. I'm on my own because I didn't realize that life is hard. I grew up with a house and food on the table and never really had to work for anything. Due to my hard-headedness and lack of respect for my mothers wishes, I decided I'd move out and be on my own. Now I don't have a place to stay. I wish everyday I could take back the things I did wrong and fix everything. As of last week, I started doing that. I started going to church with a good friend of mine. Through prayer and time with my youth group I am finding out that having faith and God in my life can make even the worst of days be better. So I ask you what means more? Trying to do things on your own or giving it all up and being on fire for God?

Lose the World, Gain your Soul

User-Submitted — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 17:25:55 -0500

I've been thinking recently about what it means to really give everything up for Jesus. To literally drop it all to follow him. Look at Peter for example: Jesus walked up to him randomly one day, told him to drop his nets and follow him. That would take CRAZY faith. Imagine the thoughts that would have instantly gone through his head. How will I continue to support my family? I'm quitting my only job, how will I afford to eat?

But he DID it. He put everything he had on this earth to the side, to follow Christ. And Peter was taken care of!!!!

Look again at the story of the rich young dude who wanted to be a disciple. Jesus told him to lose ALL his worldly possessions, and follow him.

In Luke 10, he tells his disciples to go out and bring the Kingdom of God to the cities, and not worry about the money in their wallets, or even shirts on their backs.

Recently in my life, I've felt the Holy Spirit calling me to literally drop EVERYTHING, and go after him and him only. This means my 2 jobs, bachelor's degree which im almost finished, family life, and basically everything that the world would tell me i should hold on to to be "safe".

Probably the scariest thing I've ever faced. I dont even know for sure how i'll be fed each day, but i DO know that i'll be sharing the love of Christ, and I know that Christ is my provider. I'm just praying right now for faith, and timing.

Point of this story is this: NEVER be afraid to give anything up for the sake of the Gospel. After all, were only here for a max 80 or so years, and then its eternity beside Jesus himself!

Worthless. Now Worth Something

User-Submitted — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 03:36:33 -0500

My name is jason i stink at grammar and i used to be the biggest piece of crap u could think of not giving a crap about anyone else or even myself . i was about 17 years old when my church youth leader asked me to go see this band pillar yea i know i had no idea who or what it was and id rather go get high under a bridge then go to philly to see a show i had no idea what to do at. i had a safe zone under my bridge with my drugs. The youth leader proceeded to pay for my ticket and told my mom not to let me go anywhere that day and she would come get me it was kind of a cool thing to see someone give a crap about me for once. but i went to the show and saw 12 stones pillar and skillet was a fun show and once i got a job at the local hot topic i was introduced to who is now one of the craziest bands from Lancaster ABR yea i know its corny but i remember the Christmas shows at the legion before they stopped shows. but i was like wait u can love god and be about metal? it changed my life forever. a little over a year and a half ago i got to voulenteer for the dvd shoot for ABR and to meet everyone now in the band couldnt have came at a better time i had fallen away from christ , in the years after the christmas show its sad but seeing jake and matt and everyone be so about god and being in a power position in the music industry is kind of a be deal but my piont is god always has a funny way of sneaking back into my life when i need him the most and now realizing he never left.

Only God is perfect.

User-Submitted — Wed, 09 Nov 2011 02:15:36 -0500

My mom told me once that a morning I woke up I ran to her and said "Mama Jesus came in my room last night and gave me a big hug!". I remember seeing an angel in my Nana's room on weekends I would spend the night with her. I've always seemed lonely, but I was never alone.

Growing up was a bit of a ride. I had a bond with my Dad and me and my Mom didn't know each other very well. My Mom & my best friend really did in on my self-esteem. I didn't feel like I was anything. I lived for the moments my Dad and I would be together and the moments I had fun like a kid should with my best friend (my cousin). My parents split when my sister was about two (I was 9 at this point). I spent days stuck in my room by myself. I would drown myself and video games because thats all I had to remind me of my best friend. I held on to those memories so much that I think I forgot how to make more good ones. I was always on my toes. Always been scared that no one liked me. If someone was whispering and then laughing, then it was about me. My self-concept was empty. But what I believed was not. That has always been the most consistent thing and love in my life. He has thrown me through the ringer. My mother's rage, my best friend ditching me, the feeling of having to protect and do all for my sibling when I am not the parent. Going through seperated relationships whatever they may be is one of the most difficult things. I tried to fill the holes in my heart that others left. I had soo much love to give I had to find someone. and everytime I was let down it just shot through me. I discovered hurting myself in the middle of middle school. I was so angry and let down that I clawed skin out from my leg. Then I started getting something sharp enough to scar my skin with, but not to bleed. I just wanted to feel something. & everytime I would cry. Dissapointment in myself to the extreme. Even if no one knew I did that, I feel like I had let them down. Let God down. That wasn't who I was. What happened to my strength?
I found it in 11th grade of high school. I moved on. Got away from the bad influences and found good people that would hear me out. That even had the same problems as I. I saw what God had done for me. He showed me real love and friendship. I tear up thinking about it. Those were some of the happiest memories. Well, our friendships aren't the same, but the love is still there. There is no denying God where we stand.
I often wonder.. if the people that surround me get tired of my problems. My boyfriend has. & I'm starting to wonder if a relationship is worth all this over. Worth getting physically sick over. Worth all the worry. I am not perfect, not even close to it. But I have all this love to give. All I want is to be loved as much as I dish out.
God sits at the end of my bed, and we have wonderful conversations. He is the peace of mind I need to rest my head at night. I know he will show me where he's leading me, but at one step at a time. I'm still learning a lot about everything.
& my dream is music. He has shown me this. I have a voice and have something to say. I was to relate to others and inspire. But I'm not perfect. I'm awefully anxious actually. But I can be optimistic often more than anything. Everyone needs a good cry now and then. There's no shame in it.

I'm in a rut this very second. I don't know where I am headed in my relationship, but God has talked to me and told me He knows what He is doing. It can be hard to sit back, relax and let him dust of our road.
Its been three days since I've talked to the one I love. But I'm letting it unfold before me. Every move we make, isn't a mistake.

Stuck in Grief

User-Submitted — Sat, 05 Nov 2011 19:22:06 -0400

In 3 months I lost 6 friends. 1 of those people was my best friend. She had helped me through a lot of family challenges. She was always there for me no matter what time of day it was. She always knew just what to say. At her funeral, I spoke of how her advice was so wise and beyond her years that it was truly a gift. Her death was so tragic and so sudden. She died because of an alcohol inducing drug overdose. The tragic part of the story is the fact that she had never taken these drugs before that night. It was purely experimental. She died of a bad choice leaving the rest of her families and friends to wonder of what might have happened if we had stopped her. She was not with her friends at the party. If she had been, she would have been taken to the hospital immediately. I believe that if the people at the party had taken her to the hospital instead of worrying about getting in trouble themselves, she would still be alive. It has been a month and 14 days since she died. I have my good days and bad. Lately I have been forgetting she is gone, so when i pick up my phone to call her and remember, its like losing her all over again. I am stuck in my grief.

Answer

User-Submitted — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 15:10:15 -0400

Your answer to all your problems? Leave it up to God. He will figure it out through his plan for you, one way or another, sooner or later, in a second or a decade. Give it up to him! We are nothing and he is everything.

Living your life SALVATIONALLY and not Situationally! Think about your creator often, and not what might be stressing or worrying you at the moment. We aren't worthy, yet He is... We don't deserve Him, and He still provides!

He's the answer to everything.

Our God Saves

User-Submitted — Tue, 25 Oct 2011 00:00:24 -0400

24.10 ABR has a gig in Helsinki. I want that my band members come to watch show and see that christian band can be also hard core. Our guitar player have to help his family move to other house so he canno come. So I need to figure how to use that spare ticket.

My good friend, which is also pastor in one pentecostal church call me ask do I have any plans for evening. I say that I am going to ABR gig, and ask I he want to join. He say that I give a try.

The music was not exactly his favourite, but something happen.

After ABR has played, he met one person who want to give life to Jesus. So while A Day To Remember plays, they were praying and he was born again.

That guy was there because he know that ABR is christian band and he might met some christians there. So guys, keep up good work and God bless!!

P.S. Jake, remember when I mention to you that I bring pastor with me when you give me your autograph (that dreadlock fellow)? Yeah, God is awesome!!!

Constantly Getting Beat Down

User-Submitted — Thu, 22 Sep 2011 08:55:33 -0400

The first memories I have of my life are sadness. It was realizing that my father wanted nothing to do with my life and how he used my mother and I was just the repercussions of his lustful actions.
When I was 5 until 7, I was molested by two separate neighbors. It ended because I moved away at 7 due to being involved in a shooting.
I always felt worthless, stupid, fat, ugly, and no matter how much my mother or church would tell me that I was loved, I couldn't feel it.
The rest of my childhood was surrounded by addiction. Not my own, but my families. I watched as it killed my grandfather, destroyed my cousin's, my neighbor's, my aunt's, my uncle's, and my step dad's life. I knew very little of faith in myself or hope in life.
As time went on, I thought about how easy it would be to just end it all. Just kill myself and never have to feel again. I do not know what ever stopped me from pulling the trigger on that gun every day I came home. I now believe it was god who somehow stopped me from going through with it. As if he was by my side pulling the gun away from my mouth.
I could never really concentrate during school because my mind was filled with all these problems that no preteen/young teen should ever have to think about. So in turn, my grades would fall when things got rough. I put all my focus on the "friends" I've made in school and handling their problems. But it wasn't like I could go to them with these heavy problems. I felt alone, no matter how many hugs I'd get, or how many people thanked me for helping them.
I never felt accepted in my catholic church. It felt like they were reinforcing me in feeling worthless. I had to feel bad for what I've done wrong. I had to come to church or I was a bad person. The few moments in my young life where I thought there may be a god was ripped away with what I was receiving from that church.
When I was in 10th grade, I had a breakdown. I couldn't get out of bed for days. I missed school, I stayed away from friends, I sat in my room and just thought about everything that was holding me down. About not being loved, about how no one could love someone like myself. About how the world would never care about what's happened to me. About how absolutely worthless I was.
After this time, my mother took me to the doctor. I was referred to a psychiatrist and a therapist. I found out I had depression. So I began medication. But that didn't fix all my problems. I still felt empty. I just didn't feel constant misery.
Because of this background of addiction in my life, I never participated in any sort of drug. I never drank, or smoked, or used anything. I just didn't realize sex could be a drug.
I always searched for happiness and meaning in relationships with women. I would do almost anything with almost anyone when I was single. I used these girls to make me feel better for but a brief moment in my miserable life.
Every relationship I got into, there would be a moment where I felt like I was only going to hurt them. Like I was only going to destroy them the way I've been destroyed. So after I would let them get close to me, I'd drop them. No explanation, no nothing. I was too ashamed to tell them that I did not deserve them and that I'd only hurt them. So to protect them from that pain, I'd cause a less painful situation and leave their life.
I still refused to use any other type of drug that I thought would cause addiction. That too made me feel alone. Sure, my friends did not do those things, but we weren't exactly the cool kids in school. It always felt like what I believed was wrong and maybe I would be happy if I just escaped like everyone else did. Maybe I was torturing myself by not using those things to escape from the pain. Nothing seemed to feel okay.
The next year, two friends offered more to me than they will ever realize. One gave me a book. She said she knew I wasn't really into god, but maybe this book could help me if I'd just read it. So I did. It was a book full of scripture. It had a bunch of quotes about life and faith and everything really. The other friend offered to take me to his youth group so I could see what his church was about.
It was maybe a month into going to youth group and after reading that book more times than I ever expected to, I had a horrible day at school. I came home and put on a cd like I would normally do. I was listening to underoath's lost in the sound of separation". I put it up as loud as I could and just laid there. The song "too bright to see, too loud to hear" came on. In the middle of that song, everything suddenly made sense. I began to cry. I couldn't control it. It was not a sad cry. It was a relieved cry. A cry that seemed to cleanse me of all the burdens I have been carrying with me. I finally found christ in a real way. And from that day on, I've been a christian.
My story doesn't end there. The next year was hard, but I got through it with my friends and my church, and of course, with god. As I graduated everything seemed to just fit perfectly. The girl I left earlier in the year gave me another chance after I tried to explain why I left her(as already read), my doctor told me I did not have depression. It was just an episode that was caused by stress in my current situation. My friends and I were very close. My family life was awesome. My step dad was trying to stop drinking. My mom was happy. I had god. God had my back. Nothing could go wrong now.
That first semester everything went wrong. I got very depressed. I felt worthless again. It ruined a lot of relationships in my life. Friends, family, girlfriend. I could not focus on my college studies. I was right back where I was before. But I had god. I held onto that hope in him as my world fell apart. I was kicked out of my house while my step dad was in a drunken state. It was the day before finals. I couldn't sleep at night and I couldn't stay awake during the day to go to my classes. I failed every course. What was only 2 weeks felt like a year. The day my mother said I was welcome back into the home that I was just kicked out of, I asked my girlfriend to help me bring my stuff back. When we got to my house, she broke up with me. The only person I had to turn to for support was my best friend. But he was slowly drifting away from me too because of the problems in his life.
I went back to the doctor to get help. Come to find out, I did have depression and I have to be medicated during certain seasons. I spent the next few months trying to be "normal". I tried to take classes but I was not healthy enough mentally to be back in that environment. I made some new friends. Life was looking up again.
Mind you, this whole time I went to youth group and served in the name of the lord. Mission trips, different events, the things the youth do to help.
I got better. I met a girl and she was a great match with who I am and what I believe in.
As the summer came, it all fell apart again.
I found out my friends were using drugs. when I tried to help them, they kicked me out of their lives. I had very few friends left. But I grew close with another group.
I found out as I applied to college that I had to plead my case so I could get financial aid to help me pay for college. My girlfriend left for college. A week after she left, everything left in my life went crazy.
I found out I could not get financial aid even though i was told it would be approved, my mom told me she was selling our house and moving states away, my youth leader left our church, and my girlfriend broke up with me.
This is where my story currently is at in my life. After multiple times of pulling myself up out of the gutters, I am back in it. But I've realized that that's okay. God has a plan for me, and I need to surrender to him and follow him completely. With him, we can overcome anything. No matter how many times you get pushed down. He will always be there helping you back up if you let him. And after you get back up, he will show you the way if you let him.

This World is Not My Home

User-Submitted — Thu, 22 Sep 2011 08:49:12 -0400

This World Is Not My Home
My name is tommy and this is my story on how Jesus came into my life:
My life was hopeless, searching for my saving grace. Growing up, everything seemed alright on the outside; nice friends, good education, loving family. I grew up with a twin brother and 2 sisters. My brother were, as you could imagine, very close. He and I had the same friends; we did everything together. Despite having a loving family and close friends, I felt disconnected, different from those around me. In high school, I envied the popular kids; the ones who dressed cool, knew good music, were in a band, on the basketball team, and simply got along with everybody. I was content with the friends I had, yet not secure enough to venture out and meet new people. I was a lonely vessel, aimlessly cast away into a world of deception.
As a teenager, I looked to all sorts of worldly things for happiness; I used greed to fill these bursts of "fulfillment". Early on, buying movies was the early seed of that greed. It was a vicious cycle of buying and buying, but never sustaining happiness or anything. I accumulated well over 100 movies. On days where I wanted more, I turned to popular musicians; music then became my escape from my unsatisfying life. I put musicians on such a pedestal that even they, these ordinary people, could just not live up to. Musicians, athletes, actors. These were the gods I worshipped.
During the last year of high school, my greedy obsession shifted from movies and music to something more concrete. I needed a higher satisfaction that movies and music could not offer; people.
People I just met became the center of my dull life. They would be in my life one moment and out the next. I frantically went from person to person, putting more hope in the next person than the one before. "This is girl who will turn my life around!", or "Her and I will become best friends and hopefully be married one day!… I really think she's the one!" I can't remember how many times I had that thought. There were few instances where I would dream about dating a girl I crushed on in high school - one I never talked to. I became so convinced that we were meant to be that I actually drove past her house multiple times, dreaming and admiring from afar. I was living in a fantasy land, and it was unhealthy.
I used one person, a female, in particular ways so daunting that I never speak of them, and shutter at the mere thought of them; they are so filthy and horrific that I consider them part of another life. I was a senseless loser, no doubt about it. Why was life so average? So unfulfilling?
Empty friendships. Deadly addictions. That was high school and high school was over, but new life was just on the horizon; college. College was looming and all these people I put so much hope and time into over the past year didn't fulfill in my greedy eyes; I quickly became a lost ship at sea. Despite not knowing what school I was attending, college was all I had, so very quickly, like everything else, it became where I put all my hope into; my LIFE into. I longed for happiness. But I didn't know what true happiness was. I just knew I wanted it; I wanted destiny.
That summer before college I had a list of schools in particular states far away from home where I could see myself attending. If I didn't get my way with my parents, they would have Hell to pay. Anger began to rage inside me like demons ready to snatch me at any second, waiting for me to give in to these insatiable, deadly desires. My anger got so severe that it got to the point where I actually enjoyed yelling at my family.. fist fights with my father and brother; I was a loose cannon that loved to be set off. If I didn't get my way, smashing my skull against the wall was my response, followed by screaming at my mother while I violently flung my body onto the ground, all at the age of 19. I was a slave to my anger. I remember a time back in high school when my brother painfully yelled at me, calling me the Devil.
This disease had consumed me, consumed me to the point of sadistically craving it, only I was too scared to admit to my personal demons. I needed to stand for something, and anger became that answer, no matter how thin or pathetic the matter may have been. I was so caught up in my world, feeding my empty, erratic desires. A black and gray world of anger, lust, hatred, fear, greed, and selfishness; Those were the burdens I carried with me all the way to college.
After spending just two weeks at college, I made the exact same type of friends I had in high school; I stuck with what was comfortable. I was still afraid of being myself and making friends that I want. I began crying my eyes out. Why was I so weak, so aimless? My final chance at new life, and just like everything else I tried, had not been as great as I planned it out to be. Deep down, something was missing, a void in my heart. I didn't know where to look for it or how to find it, but soon It was thrust upon me, whether I was ready or not For the first time, I felt Alive. Anger, hatred, and lust became washed away. I felt peace. I felt Hope.
What had happened to me? It couldn't have been any person who changed my life this dramatically, and it definitely couldn't have been god, I didn’t need religion or some fake gods controlling my life. However, in that moment, I had the experience of a lifetime, unlike anything ever before. I didn’t know how to react, but I did know that something true and substantial had changed inside me. Supreme love and peace overtook my body, and this feeling was stirring throughout my spirit unrelentingly; That's the only way I can describe it. I felt like a completely different person; I felt reborn.
I no longer desired those filthy addictions or sins that I once lived for. I didn't need possessions, anger, or lustful, selfish desires. I was a brand new human being with true purpose. I felt as free as an eagle. God truly changed me; He became my foundation. I turned from a lost boy to a free man, it was a miracle! From someone who rejected God his whole life, I am not ashamed to say that God injected new life into me and gave me eternal life; my home is in Heaven - where I will live forever, not Earth. It has been a year and a half since then, and I have grown more in those months than I have throughout my entire 19 years of living up until that point! You don't have to change who you are to come to God. You don't have to follow some religious scams to follow God, all you have to do is be honest and willing.. and let Him take you on the journey of a lifetime. God wants to take you as you are, no matter what you have done, no matter who you are, God can take your emptiness, pain, and fear away.
Many, like myself, thought that religion and God were the same thing; I was wrong. Living for God and Jesus has nothing to do with religion... Today’s church is littered with fake Christians for good reason; Modern Church is filled with so many man-made rules and regulations to deceive you into thinking you are being “Christian”, when, in actuality, nothing is further than the truth, the truth of Jesus.
Religion deviously blinds you from forming a true relationship with the living God; Casual Sunday school and weekly church is not what Jesus is about. It is about living a fearless, passionate life devoted to the Savior of the world. It is about not conforming to the system of this world, but the one taking place in Heaven. It is about truly understanding your priorities and purpose in life. It is rules over relationship with religion!
Religion is societies response to what Jesus did. The world gives us this fake, plastic Church because society and the government doesn’t want true Christians in the world; True revolutionaries who want nothing more than to tear down the walls of the World System and valiantly cover it with the blood of Jesus; People who don’t value money, possessions and careers as much as society wants us to…But instead passionately devote their life to changing lives and living in love.
The real Church is not in some ritualistic, judgmental, fake building, the real Church is Gods people, all over the world (not in religious buildings), fearlessly and passionately living in destiny; truly impacting peoples lives with the passions and talents God gave us; A life of true adventure from the Mighty God of the Universe.
Revolutionary. Radical. THAT is what the real Church was like when Jesus roamed, and what it is meant to be like today. Religion mocks Jesus. So many people would buy into living for Jesus if they weren't so brainwashed into this false, skewed idea of what a Christian is; This boring, goody-goody life with dull religion and pointed fingers. But most do believe that's all that being "Christian" has to offer, thanks to religion. Most people, like i used to, think the Bibles stories of all these miracles happening are fake. However, I have come to know, in sobering truth, that they are in fact very real. I have heard about, with great validity, many miracles being performed in Todays World;
- kid breaks his arm at a concert, after prayer with him it became instantly and fully healed with no medical assistance.
- women is half blind at a concert, after praying with her she leaves completely restored with full vision in both eyes.
- at a mission-crusade in El Salvador, Peru; a women brought up a 10 year old boy who was blind with cancer in his retinas, after laying hands on the boy, praying against cancer and pain, the boy opened his eyes and his vision became fully restored with no cancer.
- a woman's whole right body was paralyzed; she was dragging her leg, her face was drooping, she couldn't move her arm; after laying hands on her and praying she received full mobility in her entire body.
- from personal experience; I witnessed a kid my age, who was filled with lust and bad living, get saved at a rock concert.
The point of this whole thing is, this entire life is empty without Jesus; He is reality and we need to start living a life worth living; He didn't die a bloody death on the cross so we could sleepwalk through life, worship money, and live selfishly. We NEED to take on a higher calling, a higher purpose than people, drugs, money, clothes, jobs, social status.
I truly believe that we are born with this void in our hearts, a void that only the Creator of the universe can fill. People try to find love and hope through so many entities like money, possessions, careers, people, drugs, but at the end of the day all will leave you feeling empty, wanting more; only Jesus can restore your empty soul. Jesus has now become the cornerstone of my life, and He always lifts me up when I‘m feeling down or discouraged. He has greatly simplified and intensified my life, showing me what few things matter in this life. Jesus’ love is one of the best thingsI have ever experienced in life. He has showed me to live life fearlessly, passionately, in humility and in love, with certainty that I am living out His calling for me.
Now that is not to say that I am now living a happy go-lucky, carefree and perfect life. Living for Jesus is a true warriors life; a battle to grow and resist the temptations of this world while simultaneously living out your purpose in building up Gods Army, something I struggle with a lot. I have screwed up so many times that Jesus is honestly the only thing I have going for me, which I am forever grateful for.
We are all filthy people, born in emptiness and in need of a true, living Savior, a Savior that is ALIVE today and prepared to bring you to the life you were made for.
A life of true purpose, abundant love, and fierce passion.
Thanks So Much For Reading!

feel free to email me at peaceloved00d2@yahoo.com!

Hope..is all that's left.♥

User-Submitted — Thu, 22 Sep 2011 08:48:51 -0400

well , i am 15. i am one of 5 children in my family. my friend killed herself in may.. and my mom left out family on june 23rd. my mom and dad were going on 19 years. she didn't give us a warning.. she didn't tell us she was unhappy. she simply , left. i've never seem my mom and dad fight before.. but that night , i did. and nothing was ever the same. she left a couple days after that. and i was the only one that said goodbye.. she claimed that my dad "mentally abused" her..that's a lie... my dad is the nicest guy i know.. he always brought her up. i found out that she was having an affair with my older brother's bestfriends dad.. and she lives there , and is going to be married to him within a month after the divorce is final. i found all this information when i took her phone while she was sleeping in a hotel in michigan for one of my national softball tournaments. i read some of the messages , they were dirty. and i threw up in the bathroom. my mom found out somehow.. and hated me for it. but , i don't care. my dad and family needed to know. i met with her a week ago. just to talk about things. and i asked her if she could do it over again , would she.. and she said she would have done the exact same thing. because she doesn't care.she doesn't know how badly i'm hurting.. or how badly she hurt my father or other 4 siblings. i have to see her boyfriends son everyday at school and know that he has MY MOM and i don't.. and people ask me about it all the time at school. and i just sit there and wish i could disappear. i block out basically everyone. because people just let me down.. i feel alone. worthless. desperate. unloved. uncared. broken.hurt and lost. i've been a cutter for two years now. and i've been trying to get better. but sometimes , i don't know what else to do. i don't eat sometimes.. i only weigh 95 pounds now. i'm depressed. i cry myself to sleep every night. i have dreams about cutting , of the day my mom left me , my friend shooting herself last may.. or when i was molested at age 6. i've been through some stuff..

i just feel like i'm at the bottom , like i can't possibly get hurt anymore than i already am. yesterday my boyfriend broke up with me because i broke my promise to him about not cutting..and i just feel like i'm alone. when i know god is here for me.. and he loves me.. and he won't leave me. it's just SO hard to not want to scream , and just cry and give up.
But, i know that i can't.. i know that the Lord is here for me , as well as you. he knows everything about every single one of us. & he will never leave us.. even when the world is falling apart. just know that God is here for you ,and he loves you soo much..
*If i can get through this.. and have the faith and love i have for God. and want to become a counselor and help other youth with their problems. while sharing my story with them. .
then YOU can get through ANYTHING . but you can only get through it with GOD.♥

Insecurities

User-Submitted — Thu, 15 Sep 2011 00:08:57 -0400

I just felt like posting this in case, maybe, somebody needed help with a similar type of thing or that maybe it would encourage or help someone in some way. For the longest time in my life I've struggled with insecurities. It is a combination of several different things, but overall, my insecurities have worked against me so much in my life - to the point of making feel very sad and unhappy. A lot of the time I was so uncomfortable with myself, I felt like I couldn't even live a regular human existence. I felt very abnormal.

But God has helped me so much with my insecurities. Those things which plagued me so much, it is like I finally realized His power to help me with those things. It isn't like my situation changed, but, somehow, it is just God's power in my life that has given me freedom from these things that weighed me down so much. I feel so free, and like I can finally live without those insecurities plaguing me, and the only thing I can attribute it to is God's amazing power in my life. And I know I'll spend the rest of my life being thankful for how much God helps me, because I can't even describe the difference it has made in my life.

There will be challenges!

User-Submitted — Tue, 13 Sep 2011 22:36:21 -0400

I have one simple thing to tell all of you who come to this site for help, comfort, and advice:

LEAN ON GOD! Pray to him! Beg for mercy. Read his book. Think God no matter what you do!

I have been through hell in my life. Off and on with drug abuse, alcoholism, sexual situations, I have done it all! and I used to hate myself. This is more of a challenge for all of you. I challenge you to talk to God. Develop your relationship with him. Find a support group. There is so much out there that we are or are not aware of for help.

I have, and probably will never remove the remorse, regret, and memories from my mind about my past life. But I do know now that God is in control, and he will help you no matter what. Ask him! It is amazing what God brings to my life, and does for me minute by minute.

Heart Support, I pray for ministries like this daily. You guys are amazing. Let me know on how I can get involved with anything! God bless all of you. -

Joe Jaber

joejaber@gmail.com

The Vision

User-Submitted — Sat, 10 Sep 2011 23:43:54 -0400

This is not a story of struggle or a battle of any sort, but rather this is a vision that Christ has implanted into a High School Senior. Let me start by being honest, I grew up in the church, fell away and was resistent in my younger years and would perform the usual rituals and customs that come with going to church; bring a bible, bow your head, take communion, back straight, don't fall asleep while sitting through a sermon thinking about what was for lunch afterward. I completely fell out by 7th grade, however, with great and very overprotective parents and the grace of God I did not fall into any severe addictions or depression. about freshman year, I was brought to a new church where I was rejoined with Christ and I've been maturing that relationship ever since. Now, four years later, I've been ignorant to the harsh sides of the idea of the "church" we think of today. But, after really investing myself into my church and opening my eyes I see just as much struggle and tension in the church as on the outside, it's just more well hidden. And as I've truly started investing all of my heart to Christ and opening myself to him, I see the many problems we have incorporated as "church." Christ did not want church to have to be run by top-of-the-line programs, big-named pastors, $100,000 sound systems and professional worship bands. While all that stuff is great and is totally able to make an environment susceptible for the holy spirit to move, aren't we forgetting the most important aspect in the church? God's omnipotent precense. In the days of the early, Apostolic church we see in acts, or even in just the ministries of John, Peter, Paul, even Jesus, they didnt have these things and yet they revolutionized the world and changed history and brought about a new life for those who call Christ their savior, JUST THROUGH THE POWER OF GOD. The attitude back then was "God is really making his name known through those he empowers" now, mostly, it's "DANNGG that is a good speaker, he did so good!" With all these crazy, add-ons to churches, God is kind of shut-out of the people's minds. It feels like they're being moved by the great sound or the new bible study classes or whatever else and not God's mere presence. Should we not just trust in that? Also, why in the world did all these denominations pop up? Do we not all share the same goal? To glorify Christ with all our life and make his name known to the nations? Aren't Baptists and Methodists and Presbyterian and whatever other -ists and -arians you can think of seeking the same savior? THEN WHY THE SEPERATION?? Christ calls his body to be one and for the hands to work with the feet, and the eyes, and the mouth, but we have created not only seperation, but even tension and resentment, in some cases, to other denominations, WHY? What would it look like if all the believers joined together and sought to be true DISCIPLES of Christ, not little fans of christ who cheer on those who give up everything to give him glory, but rather we all sought to desperately chase God and to see that his name is known? Can you imagine if every heart was filled with God's love, ready to be shared? In this unity, people would not only be building their relationship with their creator but also with each other, in this we can all have a friend to trust and to keep us accountable to the choices we make and to go with us in this trivial pursuit of taking God's name to the nations who need it. This generation could revolutionize the attitude of the church, luke-warmness would begin to fade and those who are cold to the love of chirst will see those are very much in it and they will build relationships with them and seek what they have and could come to know Christ and that could multiply in magnitudes. I don't know how you guys view church and I'm not placing any church/denomination in anycategory or condemning anyone, I'm just voiceing my opinion and hope that some would agree with me.

Empty and full of hope, Lost yet found

User-Submitted — Fri, 09 Sep 2011 01:37:17 -0400

When I wake up and go to sleep at night, I take time to sit in silence, and clear my mind of all that consumes it. I am still filled with troubled thoughts of my past, but hopeful of my future. I know my future has God included. I love the Lord, and fully believe in him. Yet sometimes, I feel empty. I feel like there was once no hope for me, and that I still have that emptiness. I don't know what is specifically in store for me, but I know something is in store for me. Empty, but full of hope.

I feel lost in that I don't know my general since of direction in my own personal journey, but I know that I have been found by the Lord, my sins have been forgiven, and that he is laying paths for me to take.

My issue now is finding those paths. I am still presented with opportunities to do the things that I have no aspirations to do. I don't know how to fully get rid of these opportunities. I love to write how I feel. It is one outlet I have.

In my new location, I cannot find the outlet of socializing. I am a very social person, but the activities that keep presenting themselves to me are not ones I want to take part in anymore. its a constant reminder of my past, and ultimately, depression. I moved for a number of reasons, but the ultimate one was to move away from my past.

I embrace my past in that it brought me to where I am today, and I have no regrets. But I want to be taken by Him, and have my troubled thoughts gone.

reply or email @ joejaber@gmail.com

HeartSupport

-love - Joseph

Ambition Brings Fire

User-Submitted — Mon, 29 Aug 2011 17:26:45 -0400

Everything was black and gray, I didn’t feel much, and if I felt something it was pain. The empty walls of my 490 square foot apartment depicted it well. A room once full of life and love, torn down to nothing, in the blink of an eye. This is where my tailspin began; an empty room filled with, hate, love, God, temptation, guilt, and absolute anguish. A mixture even I look at now and point to the sky. The following is my story, the only story that matters to me, the story of how I found true faith in God, and how he helped me pick myself back up, when it all went dark.
I had been in a relationship with someone for nearly two years. She was everything I could ever ask for, we shared everything together. I had never opened up to anyone (not even family) the way we could share things. We talked about forever, we talked about the weather, it didn’t matter to us, we were together and on top of the world. Part of this feeling was because we both lived in Bellingham, WA. Separate apartments, yet inseparable. Going to college and living the way we wanted to, I never wanted anything to change.
After a year or so, I began to slip. My mind was being plagued with confusion and temptation. At this point we lived right next door to each other. We started having friends over and even people we didn’t know very well. I started drinking more than I usually did, too much, I would consume myself in this bliss that I thought was good. Turns out I was destroying everything around me. I started to take her for granted, every night I had another excuse, hard day at work or something else spoken out of pure stupidity and resentment. Then I wore it on my sleeve. I was like a two faced monster, full of compassion and love in the light, but hit the switch and my eyes glow red. She never deserved what I put her through, no matter what.
Spiraling out of control I chose the wrong path and lost it all. I lost her then, I gave up on myself. Sitting in a one room apartment, I should have just committed a crime and gone to jail, because that’s what it felt like. I didn’t look at myself in the mirror, I didn’t want to eat, I just made it through work each day, then back to thinking, just pure thoughts, like a swarm racing through my mind. One night it got the best of me when I came home from my friend’s house. I went to open my door and realized how alone I was, and how much that scared the s out of me. Inebriated and full of doubt I walked through the door, sure of what was about to happen I sat down on my couch and continued to pour every pill I had in my possession onto the table in front of me. Drink in hand, devil in my head, I was ready to take my life. The greatest gift God has ever given me, I was willing to take it from myself. The walls were caving in, and all I had was my voice in the dark. Crying my eyes out, I took one last breath before taking the plunge. Within the time it took me to take that breath, I felt something come into the room, I’ve never been so scared than at that moment. His presence filled the air around me and I felt a hope burning inside me that I’ve never felt. It was a second chance, a choice to carry on and follow in his footsteps. He pulled me from the deepest darkest depths when I didn’t believe anyone could. I know now that I was so scared because his might and forgiveness filled the room. I felt like someone whispered, “you’re not alone.”
Trust me I thought I was going insane. But it was real enough to make me stop and realize how f*#cked up the choice I was about to make was. I picked up my phone the moment I woke up the next day and called my mother. Really the only person I had hope would see pass the mistakes I was making. Me, her , and my brother Christian met up the next night to see a movie. We all talked before the night was done, and all came to the overwhelming agreement that I needed to come back home. No matter how strong I tried to be on my own and no matter how hard I knew it would be to swallow my pride, I felt like it was the only way to stay alive. Abandon ship.
The following sixty days would be a test, a trial, a path to redemption I was not ready for. I cried every day, every minute, I never had peace of mind. Strung out and physically ill, my body started to suffer from the depression and inability to handle such loss and what I perceived as failure. On some nights I remember praying and being so mad, wanting to scream out, “Why aren’t you helping me!” “Why won’t you save me!” Little did I see, the pain and anguish were all building blocks.
Still striving for hope and some kind of sign that things would be ok someday, my brother Samuel received a drum kit for Christmas. To say the least he was put on this earth to drum. It burns strong in his heart and he finds passion behind the cymbals that is hard to match. Sam and his friend Tyler began to jam, Sam on drums Tyler on guitar. Music had been my only safe haven up to this point. I found faith in it that the right words reach the right people. I knew with the talent these kids had they just needed someone to believe in them and help them along the way. But I fit into the equation much more than I thought I would. I began writing my own lyrics and screaming for Tyler and Sam, we are now a metal band, therefore the screaming not singing haha. With Tyler writing all the guitar parts, Sam focused on drums, and me only knowing how to do my vocals, we became the perfect storm and God’s gift to me.
I named the band Ambition Brings Fire. I chose the name because when I decided to move myself, I made the greatest changes and blazed a trail to where I wanted to be, and to me that’s what we all need. If you put your mind to it and bring everything you humanly can to the forefront, nothing can stop you. Your ambition will bring the fire you need in whatever way you need it. It’s your tool to light the way.
Now, Ambition Brings Fire is about to release their first demo and play their first show all in the next month. All I can do every single day I wake up is look out my window into the sky, grey or blue, and thank God for the second chance he gave me, the new life he breathed into me. When I had no hope, no will to live, when it was all stripped from me, just a man, just human, He gave me the strength to stand up and push on, to do his will, and spread the right words to the right people. The ones that need to know that no matter how dark it gets, when all hope is lost, He’s there, watching over you, placing the tools at your feet urging you to pick them up and rebuild.
I could not have made it this far without my family and the ones who had faith enough in me to see me through to this transformation. I love you all and you’ll be in my heart forever. These people, just another gift I’ve been given. They are all a blessing and I wouldn’t want them to be any different.
My story is of small scale to others, but it shows the power we all possess, and that no matter what, you have the strength to save yourself from anything. I felt like I had been cast out, that my life wouldn’t carry meaning anymore. Look at what I’ve revived. I was lifeless, a vessel for evil, but He saw the light I had, the yearning for a second chance to get back up and do what’s right. This lies within us all. I hope that my story can help others and show that it’s never over and that you have no idea the lengths you can go if you believe in yourself and the ideas that you stand for. Always remember, there is no map for life to find the riches of faith, love, and happiness. It all rests inside you, find it and never let it go.

My Battle.

User-Submitted — Mon, 29 Aug 2011 17:21:03 -0400

My mind is constantly at war with its self. Almost like I am separated into two beings; My Mind, and My Heart. Another Dimension gets added into this little war, my body is a double agent, serving the needs of both sides.

I am losing the battle among myself, wishing that my heart and core beliefs can survive to crush the animalistic instinct of my Mind and my Body.

What happened to me? I used to be able to be brought to my knees weeping before my God. I used to know how to lay my transgressions before the thrown. Now its as if my mind has no access to my heart,

I struggle with petty addictions and desires brought on by loneliness.

I want to break these addictions once and for all, kill these carnal desires, and come fully back to my Jesus. I still have faith in Christ, I know he longs for me and my company again, for me to be on my knees weeping the ways I once did, with a child like faith. I know he is ready to forgive these things that I do. But am I truly ready to ask again? I am attempting to take my first steps back into true faith.

Confessing my sins to my brothers and sisters, confessing them to Christ.

I lay these things down at Christ's, Lust, Greed, Anger, Hatred, Pornography, Lies, Hypocrisy, Faithlessness, Thievery, Covetry, Slothfulness, and Gluttony. I will lay these things down. Once and for all. Let them be cast from my sight, my body, and my mind. Let me be Whole again.

My heart hardened to so many evils in this world, I need God to break it back open, So I can truly be free again.

God gave me a gift of music, and of teaching, and I have been on a small scale, using these gifts, My band "I am Eternity" was doing great for a while, until I started to digress again. Now its time for me to be that warrior for Christ. To spread his word through My music, my teachings, my actions, and through every bit of my life.

Pray that no evils tempt me any longer. That I be free from the sinful nature of this world. I will be like Christ. Even if it Kills me.

Pray that I die to this world, and that I stay dead to this world. That I be given a life. That God use me as his tool to do his divine bidding.

I will post on my progress sometime at a later date.

Thank you, God Bless.

Your Brother In Christ

DJ Baker

Drifting Away

User-Submitted — Mon, 29 Aug 2011 17:18:21 -0400

Hi my name is Travis and I am 16 years old. I have grown up in a very loving Christian home and have been a christian all my life. A couple of months ago i went to an awesome youth retreat that made so happy and i could definitely feel Gods presence. It was so cool to be hanging around with people that with a burning desire for God. But lately i feel like i have been drifting away from God. I have been struggling with temptation to do things i know i shouldnt be doing and just havent been that focused on God. I have also been struggling with lust and masturbation for years and havent been able to quit. I would always tell myself that i would stop doing it and pray to God about it but an hour later i would be right back at it. I feel so ashamed about doing that because i know i am disrespecting God. 2 weeks ago I decided to open up to my dad about it. We had a long disscussion about this and he reassured me that i wasnt alone with this addiction and he has gone through the same thing, which made me feel better. After our discussion my dad opened up to me about something that he has been struggling with. 3 years ago my dad had broken his hip playing hockey and spent a lot of time at home alone. During his time at home alone he started to look at porn and became addicted to it. Then my mom found out and confronted my dad about it and he stopped looking at it. Then a year later he was alone at work and he fell into the temptation to watch it. As he was watching it my mom was at home on the computer and logged on to a program that allowed her to see what was on the screen of my dads work computer. After my dad had told me this i became very depressed and mixed with emotions. I was mad at him for disrespecting my mom, confused as to why he would even do that, and happy that he was able to open up to me about it. My friends have even noticed that i havent been myself and i dont know what i should think of this. I love my dad and i look up to him in a lot of ways, but i dont want this to change the way i see him. I know we have to change our ways and i just want to be more focused on God than useless stuff that doesnt honor Him.

Searching for Truth.

User-Submitted — Fri, 26 Aug 2011 18:26:17 -0400

It seems quite difficult to pick a specific topic that I'm struggling with because I'm struggling with most of them. I'm 19 and my name is Rob. I just started my second year at a community college in Rochester, MN, and it seems like it's going to be a rough year. Not for the sake of the difficulty of classes, but for what's been sitting on my heart.

Since I was young I can remember not really going to church until I was maybe 8 for when I had to start going for Wednesday night classes. Even then I wasn't even going on Sundays, but at the time it was nothing to me. My family seemed to say that they were Christians more than they would live it. (Don't get me wrong, I do love them with all my heart!) I kinda got sucked into this unhealthy pattern. I would just go to church on Sundays to do sermon notes, but I actually went because I was forced to. Finally when I was in 10th grade I was confirmed into my church, although I had no idea what this meant? I had mindlessly wandered my way through classes for eight years to be confirmed but unknowing as to what it truly meant. During this time I was addicted to pornography, lust, greed, and even envy. I just clung to lust and pornography because it seemed to be all that I knew. Finally I lost my virginity but it hadn't really hit me until recently that I had committed fornication.

About three years after the incident I started hanging out with some Christian guys -pastor kid's to be exact. It was a bond from the start. We had the same interests, same loves, same everything except for the passion for God and even the knowledge. I hadn't been to church for a good two years, so they playfully teased me to come to their church. AOG. I kept denying it, but I finally gave in. This conviction in my gut drove me to attend one Sunday. My life seemed to have changed. But the problem was that I didn't know what was going on. I hadn't read the bible for 19 years, I had not a clue as to what it even had in it. But they put me on a new path thankfully.

Through all of that filler that I just typed, there's still an emptiness in my heart. I've confessed that I know that Jesus died on the Cross for me, but I don't think my heart has accepted it and it hurts. I thirst to know more about Him, but I feel like I haven't given it up for Him yet though. I'm dying from all of this pain, pornography addictions, and anger. I can't shake them off of me. I'm so lost and I have not a clue what to even do at this point. I want to give it up for Him, and I want to spread his name, but I can't seem to find a way how to.

I'm sorry for the rambling, but I had to spill it. My parents recently got divorced and being a missionary has been sitting on my heart. I feel like that if I can leave here to proclaim His name to those who haven't heard it, or haven't been fortunate to see his works, my family will know Jesus lives. But I'm missing Jesus in my own life...

MITRAL VALVE PROLAPSE

User-Submitted — Fri, 26 Aug 2011 18:22:57 -0400

Good day everyone,
I'm MJ 24 years old from the Philippines. I have a sister who got a MITRAL VALVE PROLAPSE disease, one kind of a heart disease, she got this disease since she was 11 or 12 years old and she was 20 years old now. Her heart had an irregular beat, it beats very fast and when I saw her x-ray I saw that her heart seems like enlarging. The heart doctor here in the Philippines said that the only thing that can help her is operation of the heart. And also she got a weak lungs, she always had a cough. My family here in the Phillipines only live a simple life. My father is working only in a factory as a factory employee, his salary is just enough for our basic needs like food. I'm just starting to work to be able to help my family and for the medicine of my sister. We can't afford the operation of my sister that's why she still have this disease 9 years until now. I really want to help my sister become healthy again, she is very thin now. I'm very sad that I can't help her with her operation, she can't go to school because one time she went to school and came home, she starting to cough again and she became ill the next day, so she stopped schooling. I was so sad seeing here with that condition.
I will take this opportunity to find some help.
Is there anyone here or is there any heart doctor here who can help my sister for her surgery?. Please help us, especially my sister. I will really really appreciate it and I'm very very glad to say thank you!! God bless to all of you!! I'm so happy that I found this site where I'm able to share the story of my sister. Thank you so much!

Hollow Sensibility

User-Submitted — Mon, 22 Aug 2011 17:33:44 -0400

Watching the blood drip from my wrists, enjoying every drop of it, i feel no pain as I once again see that i am still alive. This all became reality once I gave up on my creator, my savior. . . God. It didn't always used to be like this. I was once a burning light of God's love. I struggle with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Most people like to believe that OCD isn't really something that bothers a person. It effected me in EVERY single way possible. Planning out where I was going to step, what i was going to touch, what i was going to say or do. EVERYTHING had to be PERFCT. Slight problem. . . NOTHING on this earth is perfect, but I couldn't accept that. Having OCD gave me a lot of anxiety, along with plenty of anxiety attacks. I also had other struggles with anger and depression. Before I went into a depressed life, I had my eyes set on God, 24/7. I grew up in a church enviornment, and I knew what God's desire for me was. I had this amazing youth pastor, my sophmore year of high school. He truly helped me discover more of what God had stored in my life. After a while, he failed me, himself, and the church. He got involved with some unholy things, and was asked to leave the church. My heart shattered as I witnessed him leave. I was a lost puppy without him. Then I realized. . . God had taken him out of my life for a reason. That reason being; I needed to stand up on my own, and be a leader in christ. I couldn't depend on him to go to with my struggles. I had God. the ONLY one who would NEVER fail me. This passion burned within me, but slowly started to fade, as the church started to fall out of fellowship. I didn't feel the desire to go to church, have my quiet time with God, or even pray for that matter. A few more heavy burdens with school, friends, relationships, family, and myself were placed on my shoulders, and I just couldn't take it anymore. I thought I wasn't hearing anything from God, so I cut him out of my life. From that point on, my life went into a downward spiral of pain and suffering. I was falling into depression, I no longer felt the need to smile, work in my classes, and my life just felt like a big blur. Nothing made sense, every day went too quickly, and my thoughts would race like crazy. I couldn't compose even the simplest of answers to anything I was asked. My life was BRUTAL without my Lord. I saw no light to the end of the tunnel, no sunshine at the end of the storm I was living. I began to feel numb. I became angry, and I didn't accept that what I was living, was even real. So, I began to cut myself. Self mutilation of the wrists was my reminder that I was still alive. I enjoyed watchig the blood drip from my wrists. I couldn't get enough of it, so I cut all the way from my wrist, to my inner elbow. None of this hurt, because I became numb to life. I took on every day as a burden. Eventually, I gathered some sense, and I confronted my parents about the things I was doing to deal with OCD, anger, depression, work load, and anxiety. I needed help. The next day, I went to the doctor, and was examined by a phsychiatric person. I spoke to her, she spoke to my parents, and before you know, I was admitted into a mental institution. It all sounds pretty crazy, because I didn't think I was crazy. Once I got there, I was deprived of EVERYTHING. All I had was the clothes I was wearing. My parents left in a raging storm if tears, and I was left there to get better. It was truly almost like movies perception of mental hospitals, except that there wasn't any CRAZY CRAZY people. I did what I had to do, to get out of that place, because I hadn't accepted the fact that I had a chemical imbalance in my head. I was put on many medications, and it made me SO exhausted. I came home after a while, and I still fell into the patterns of cutting myself. It's not like if you go to a mental facility, you become fixed all of a sudden. No. It takes time. I eventually gave up self mutilation, and everyone thought I was getting better. No one knew, except a few, that I had resorted to smoking and drugs. Trying to fill the void in my heart, I still couldn't find peace. It took one really great friend, to snap me back to reality. He told me to "Think. Think Kristina. This isn't you." Though a lot wasn't said, he really meant a lot to me, at the time. Even though he and I are no longer on speaking terms, I really thank him for being to stern with me. I see the end to the storm, I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have caused a lot of heartaches in my family, and for that I am sorry. I now cling onto the rock of my life; my savoir, Jesus christ. With him, I endure all things and chalenges in my life. It only makes me stronger. Through him, I found the plan for my life. I will serve this country for 4 years, and I will then become a music teacher. I give praise to god for every breath I breathe. I remember one verse always. . . Jeremiah 1:19-"They will fight against you, but they will not overcome you, for I am with you, and will rescue you", Declares the Lord. The book of Jeremiah is truly an inspiring one, in a young persons life. For once, I am excited for my future. I am greatful for God in my life. I will NEVER give up on him, again. God Bless you all.

Thank you,
Kris.

Hard Headed

User-Submitted — Mon, 22 Aug 2011 17:30:02 -0400

For a while now I have been struggling with the battle of my logical mind and pursuing Christ with my heart. As of late I have been satisfying the desires coming from my head and not my heart. Being in the Word, prayer, and worship have been things that look like something from a distant past. I have been trying to seek Christ for help but I keep finding my logical mindset getting in the way. I know He hasn't left me but it sure does feel like I am alone. And to add to all of this, I feel like I'm slipping back into who I once was before having Jesus in my life (angry, depressed, frustrated non stop, etc). Another thing that I find to be odd is that lately I find "joy" in emotional pain and things that I do that I enjoy are all work to me now. Any insight would be highly appreciated and thank you for your time!

What Happened?

User-Submitted — Mon, 22 Aug 2011 17:29:05 -0400

Okay, first off i just want to thank Kris and Jake for getting this thing started, i have never been able to post stuf like this anywhere and i am grateful.

In 2010-2011 i went to Bible college to strengthen my walk with God, during my time there i felt i was growing so much, i was surrounded by fellow believers all the time and also surrounded by people who were willing to listen and help anyone. But when i got home it seemed that everything i had learned had gone out the window, i fell back into my same old routine. When temptation came my way i fell into it like i had not learned anything from school, i would often find myself on websites that i knew i shouldn't be on and doing things. Recently i have gotten a job at a tire shop and it has just added to my struggles, the people there always talk about immoral things and the temptations come back full force.
I just don't know what happened, i get home and everything changes, i was so on fire for God during school and even about a week or two after i got home, then everything fell apart and i have been struggling to get back on the right path.

ps. sorry i suck at writing stories.

Forgiveness...

User-Submitted — Mon, 22 Aug 2011 17:26:49 -0400

Here is something that's been heavy on my heart. No one is perfect and we all have hurt someone or done wrong to someone in our lives be it unintentionally or intentionally. We all make mistakes, yet why is it so hard for us to forgive one another? Luke 17:3-4 really speaks to me on this matter. "Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him. And if he trespass against thee seven times in a day, and seven times in a day turn again to thee, saying, I repent; thou shalt forgive him." - This is really something I can work on in my own life and hopefully others find it just as appealing.

Can't Get Ahead

User-Submitted — Wed, 10 Aug 2011 03:24:03 -0400

My name is Kyle, my story doesn't involve addiction, depression or relationships.. Well, a little about the last two.

The first day my life changed was the day my mother Laurie died when I was four years old in a car accident. We were heading to Michigan for a vacation in February and we hit a patch of black ice and our van spun out into a patch of black ice rendering her and my aunt unconscious. I wont go into details but I am the only person in that car that knows what happened from the accident to the hospital. My brother was in the car as well. He was three months old at the time...

Now I fast forward about 5-7 years later. My dad has always been a drinker but the accident pushed him over the edge. But fortunately his mind was clear enough to take care of me and my brother with some help from my aunts. He found a new love, she was nice at first and then not so much. I faced a lot of verbal abuse and practically raised my new brother and sister due to neither of them steeping up to be a proper parent. 8 years later they got a divorce and we lost our own house to her. I was forced to move in to one of my uncles houses.

I was a freshmen during the move and lost a lot of my own personal items in the move. After I finished that year I had to switch high-schools and and start over. I felt a lot of depression during this time and i guess the thought of my mother wanting more for me is what kept me going.

two years pass and my uncle says its time for you to go. we said our thank yous and I was homeless for about a week in a half switching from friends houses to random locations my dad found. We finally found an apartment above a restaurant back in my hometown. The only possessions we had were our clothes, blankets, four pillows, a 8 inch TV and a fold up chair. Oh and my bearded dragon. As my dad acquired more girlfriends they have helped us rebuild our lives and get furniture. about a year later we settled and somewhere finally felt like home. I gained a lot of old friends again and began drinking a lot. Our goal was to get drunk everyday after school and things got out of control. A month after I graduated I met my current girlfriend and we both stopped drinking.

After 6 months of dating she got pregnant but I didn't find out until 9 months of dating. We decided to keep the baby and raise it to the best of our ability. Difficult because I started college in Chicago two days after she was born. The only income was part time at a grocery store. We named her Madison Laurie.

Three months later and she has barely grown and the doctors are worried. One week in the hospital for three months in a row to try and figure out why she isn't growing. No answers so they guess a growth disorder called Russell Silver Syndrome. Months of research later we discover it may not be Russell Silver and learn it might be Growth Hormone Deficiency and some other disease.

She is one year old in a month and only ways 10 lbs and she is the most beautiful thing in the world. I've managed to graduate college with an Associates Degree in Music Recording and I am currently looking for a job in a studio.(Go like my page on Facebook called KC Recording!) My soon to be, fiance' is about to graduate college and will be working as a Medical Assistant soon, if all goes well. It has been an extremely hard journey and I'm not 100% sure how I'm still here but all I know is I live for her and I am thankful for my life and my family. My life has been a constant battle to get ahead and life and I hope I can somehow soon.

All I want is to restart

User-Submitted — Wed, 10 Aug 2011 03:21:42 -0400

I'm 21 and I've been struggling a lot with lust and pornography. It seems whenever I'm alone I look at something. I struggled with lust three years ago and I conquered it. I was very strong in my faith. I was raised in a Christian home and I got saved when I was 18. Lately my faith has been weak and I haven't felt God at all. I've been living for myself and fulfilling my dreams when I wanted to, not when God wanted to fulfill them. I took my life from God's hands and now I'm controlling it. I'm depressed and I feel so alone and far apart from God. All I want to do is to restart my life so I can live according to His will. I hope I'm not a failure in God's eyes and I feel like one. I know that God never leaves us but I feel like He has. I don't know what to do anymore.

Peter

User-Submitted — Wed, 10 Aug 2011 03:18:06 -0400

I couldnt choose a category because this story really encompasates all of them. my name is Matt Thompson, a born again follower of christ, i have heard, believed, confessed the word and that Christ is lord and savior and is coming back one day for his church. Im a 19 yr old college student starting my second year of school and football. I have an amazing girlfriend and from everyone else I have it easy. Wish i would realize it

I have a calling on my life. Im not sure if I know for sure what it is but i firmly believe it has something to do with music, much like Jake Luhrs of ABR, my fav band FYI
but I have addictions, not depression but more like dissapointment, and some of my relationships arent the best.
one addiction i have is lust. At times i can control it fine. Its those times when im alone and no one will ever find out what im doing, porn. its almost my fix for the day, thats how bad it is. I am a follower of christ, but its like, a car engine. theres times i get enough gas to be a "christian" and the engines on but most of the time its like im thinking about putting gas into the tank, and trying to start the car, without gas. because of that, like i said am not depressed, just dissapointed in myself. i feel like im not doing what i need to be doing. i know im not. i have a calling in music but im too scared to get in front of people not because im shy, but i stutter. it kicks my butt when im nervous. i propably have some of the best jokes youll ever hear, i just cant get them out bc ill stammer or ill have to find a different word and then i sound like porky pig. some days i can talk like im rapping in 8 mile and feel like i could beat lil wayne or eminem in a rap battle and then theres some days when a baby wouldnt even want to have a conversation with me. it just sucks so bad. which with all that causes me to not have the best relationships because i cant freakin talk. i have a select few friends and they give me grief about it all the time but its when im not with those friends that it gets hard. i could talk to anyone. i have no prejudice no fear of talking to no one, in my head. but when i try to actually do it, sometimes im on top of the world, but most of the time, i just have to walk away because i can feel that stammer and stutter coming on. i wish i could do everything God wants me to do but its just that i dont know how to get around the stuttering, the porn, the utter dissapointment in myself to be able to do what i know im supposed to do. it scares me to think that ill be in front of a small congregration and begin to stutter, and then expect to sing in front of that same crowd. i dont mind to make a fool of myself if its fun but, when i make a fool of myself on accident, and im not doing it on purpose, thats what kills me.

so, the date today is august 6, 2011 at 3:15AM in my little recliner here in oklahoma typing this story while listening to August Burns Red. Jake and Aaron Gillespie are my heros. they inspire me so much not just in music but in life. i saw a video of jake and i think it was Matt Griener in mexico or somewhere like that and they just got done eating and they had a bunch of leftovers and instead of bringing it back to the hotel for them they went on the street and gave it to those who didnt have a home or food or anything. as i was watching that, my soul, not my stomach or heart, my sould and spirit leaped and it was like i was on mr freeze rollercoaster, it was like i could do that everyday play music, feed the hungry clothe the naked, lead the lost to Christ. it looked fun. i understand the hard work it takes to get where ABR is today, but it looked fun.
then there was one of aaron when he was in haiti and this old mand and him were playing guitar and giving praise to God and he just willingly without a second thought gives his acoustic guitar away and goes back and leads worship with the village and you can literally SEE the holy spirit moving among small children. one of the most beautiful things i have ever seen.

I know this is long but, i just need prayer that i will overcome all of this fear, doubt, not so much in God, but in myself much like Peter did when Jesus asked him to walk to him on water. i dont believe peter doubted jesus at all, it was himself he doubted that he coulldnt do it and he was right. cant do it without christ living within you, being with you, you being him. its the only way...

Peter

User-Submitted — Wed, 10 Aug 2011 03:18:05 -0400

Finding happiness

User-Submitted — Wed, 03 Aug 2011 14:02:29 -0400

Hey my name is Chris and this is my story. All my life I couldn't find anything that would allow me to be happy for very long. I tried friends, porn, relationships, and doing good. Nothing worked, I was still addicted to porn when I was trying to do good and not watch it anymore. I was going crazy with lust. Couldn't stop! Struggling and always falling into my sin. I always heard about Christ and how he died for us so we wouldn't have to go to Hell. That he forgives us if we confess and repent of our sins. And if we die to our sin and pick up our cross and follow Him. Well I didn't choose to follow Him instead I just kept on going on in my way. Still nothing worked and I still felt unhappy. I was depressed and broken all the time. One day me and my family had visitors from our church come to our house, it was a big suprise. They came in and they shared with us about sin and about the ten commandments. Then they told us about God sending His Son Jesus who died on the Cross for all of us even though we don't deserve it. That we are saved by his blood. They gave us details of the stuff he went through. All the pain. Yet they said we couldn't imagine such pain. I never heard about all of that the way they told it. Through the whole story I felt convicted and felt like it was to late for me but then they said that we can find life in Jesus. That because Jesus died on that Roman Cross, The Father forgives us for our sins. That even though we will fall again His grace for us is so big. He can forgive us! They later asked me and my sister if we would like to accept Jesus as our Lord and Savior. I thought for a while of the things I just heard. Thought about how big God's Love is and how Big He is. Thought about all the things I did and yet because of Jesus I am forgiven. Me and my sister accepted Christ as our God. No turning back! Right there at that moment I felt so happy. Happiness I have never felt before! I gave God my heart and my body right there in my home. Ever since I have been growing in my faith and have been getting closer and closer to God. To anyone our there who is trying to find true happiness come to Jesus! Give your life up and follow Him. Read Mark 8:34-35 He called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it." Think about that for a minute. You will find happiness in Jesus!

Enough

User-Submitted — Sun, 31 Jul 2011 15:48:42 -0400

Time for me to be vulnerable and real. A major reason for sharing this is wanting to help people. If what I have gone through can help someone than no matter how embarassing or hard it might be for me I will share. So the start of my freshmen year of high school began the start of my insecurities with my weight. I never felt pretty enough or skinny enough because I wasnt a smaller size. During high school I never really dieted but still never felt skinny or pretty enough. When I got into college the insecurites increased. It seemed as if all around me where these gorgeous skinny girls and I was just this short not pretty chunky hispanic girl. Towards the end of my second year of college my insecurites spiraled down. I had just gotten my heart broken which I thought came from not being pretty or skinny enough. There began my dieting and working out. However, I did not diet properly. I started going from eating just fruits and vegetables to going on an all fiber diet, to cutting out carbs, to eating only a meal a day..back to back if I didnt see major results within a few days to a week of dieting all while going to the gym everyday sometimes twice a day. I would skip to the next fab diet available. All of this craziness because I didnt think I was pretty enough. So after losing about 45 pounds in a year which I didnt think was good enough and was not achieved the right way, I started getting really sick. Everytime I ate something, if i was eating, I would throw it up..not meaning to..my stomach just couldnt handle any food. The six months of not being able to eat properly and throwing up all the time where some of the most painful moments in my life. I was going to the doctor frequently trying to figure out what was wrong. I went from getting my blood drawn to having them look into my stomach through a camera, to a bunch of other tests the doctor had me doing, to seeing different specialists to find that nothing was wrong with my stomach. All of this pain was because of my insecurities. No matter how many talks I would have with my mom, no matter how many times the Lord would tell me my worth, no matter how many tears I cried I just couldnt believe it, couldnt find my self worth. I was allowing the world and my skewed defination of what beauty was to be the driving force of my continuing battle. In the midst of trying to become that definition instead of the Lords definition I hurt my body. Because of the DIEts I put my body through I have to really watch what I eat and find it difficult to consume the foods I have once enjoyed with my family and friends within my culture and any culture now. I am one that has learned the hard way by not listening to other people's wisdom, not being medically level headed and not using good judgement all because of what I did not see and was looking for within myself or outside myself. All I continued to see was the girl I didnt want to be never knowing that I was carrying the key to freedom of these relentless chains in my own hands. The key to my new found freedom unveiled where my identity is...which is in Jesus..not this picture perfect girl I was striving to become when in the eyes of Jesus I was that girl all along..BEAUTIFUL and ENOUGH..Im not going to lie and say that I no longer struggle with these issues because I do..I still have those days where I dont feel enough...but now I know that I dont have to look through the lense of the world to find my identity..I just need look in the eyes of the person who created me, the person who was telling me He loved me all along, the person who was telling me He found me beautiful all along, the person who has a plan and future for me, the person who was screaming "TONI YOU ARE ENOUGH!" That person is Jesus! Everyday I am learning to accept my body. To accept that I am a hispanic girl who has curves, a girl who has curly hair, a girl who has 2 scars on my forehead, a girl who may never become a size 2, a girl who has barely reached the height of 5 foot and needing to be okay with that. So society, I will no longer allow you to define who I should be and what I should look like. I am more than the number on the scale and I am more than the size clothing I wear. I may not see myself as a beauty queen, but in the eyes of the person who matters the most I am and will always be. So..to every girl, woman, teenager, child, male or female you are enough! You beautiful and handsome! You are distinct and unique and forever wonderful in the eyes of The Creator!!!!!

Too Curious

User-Submitted — Sun, 31 Jul 2011 15:45:30 -0400

My name is A.J. D'Alberto and I have grown up in an awesome Christian home with awesome loving parents. They have stuck with me through thick and thin and I now am realizing that I have been taking all of it for granted and want to make a change.

Two years ago I went to college curious of what the world had to offer and decided I needed to find out for myself who I wanted to be, because that's how I think, that's how I've always been.

It started with drinking as it does for many college kids and thankfully I soon realized that it wasn't worth it because it wasn't healthy, I wasn't going to find that awesome Christian girlfriend I had been looking for in that environment. But then Marijuana was introduced to me and I learned about all of the reasons as to why it was so great and why it was so much better than alcohol.

The truth is... just because you hear that these things are so great from so many people, doesn't mean that they are.

Turns out the few things that aren't so great about Marijuana are the most important, especially for a young college kid trying to find his way into adulthood. It makes you lazy, it takes place and gets in the way of the things that matter the most in life. People can tell you till they're blue in the face that it's controllable and that because it's not addictive that you can monitor you life and still get high.

I think I was around it enough to find that that was not the case. Even my friends who are all driven individuals were having struggles and although weed didn't seem to be the problem, I think it is a major factor.

It got in the way of me finding that Christian girl or future bride. It got in the way of me going to church every Sunday, it got in the way of school (big time). It got in the way of family. But most importantly... it pushed God out of my life.

I think I've always known what will make me truly happy in this life (thanks to my beloved parents =D) but I thought I could just put that on hold and enjoy life while I was still young.

My younger brother has seen me and looked up to me in many ways, but he has also seen all of the mistakes I've made and has learned from them. I envy that because I wish I could do the same.

To all of you out there who are like me and have to try stuff first here is my revelation and most sound advice...

Follow your heart, not your head.

Only by walking with our great and mighty Lord can you be truly happy. I'm ashamed at some of the things I've done, but I am determined to start using my heart to make my decisions rather than my head.

Pray for me for I will need it in these years to come.

I thank my loving family who I am most fortunate to have unlike many others. I thank Jake Luhrs for being so inspirational not only in his story but in his dedication to the Lord and ABR's music (which is unbelievably hard to play on guitar...lol). But most of all I thank the Lord for sticking with my sinful self and showing me true love and purpose in life.

"I love you Lord, and I lift my voice, to worship you, oh my soul rejoice, take joy my King, in what you hear, may it be a sweet sweet sound in your ears..."

God bless you all, and God bless Heart Support!

Too Curious

User-Submitted — Sun, 31 Jul 2011 15:45:30 -0400

Too Curious

User-Submitted — Sun, 31 Jul 2011 15:45:24 -0400

Committing To Christ

User-Submitted — Thu, 28 Jul 2011 03:00:00 -0400

I’m struggling with so many different issues right now in my life. I find myself wanting to leave behind everything that has defined my life up to this point. I can feel God pulling me away from all those things that I once loved. All the friends I’ve made, relationships I’ve developed, and even the identity or persona I’ve created for myself. I find myself wanting to take that step to fully commit and accept the knowledge I’ve gained from time alone with God searching for answers. Yet I still can’t seem to take that step and leave it all behind even though I know it’s what I desire for my life. Sports used to be the center of my life, a passion I carried and couldn’t live without. I even made the decision to go to a college I was less satisfied with, solely for the opportunity to continue my athletic career. But at some time over the past year I’ve been awakened, and my life has found a new center in Jesus Christ. Once I realized all the glory that is Christ, and the vast armies of Hell that stand against him and his followers in this world it became exceedingly difficult for me to find that passion and that love for something as minuscule in the big picture as athletics. I used to spend hours watching coverage of sports or events themselves and now I find myself being absolutely disgusted to the excess and obsession that our society places professional athletics. I see the money and time that is invested into it and all I can see is children starving to death and living lives void of love and compassion. I see homes for the homeless, food for the starving, and medication for children dying of curable diseases. When you truly let Christ into your life, the way you see the world and the things you once had a passion for take on a different meaning. Your perspective is completely turned on its head. Ever since I’ve experienced this radical shift I’ve been fighting against it’s current that’s doing nothing more than pulling me more towards where I want to be! The barrier that’s holding me back I believe is nothing more than fear. Fear of having to start a whole different type of lifestyle, fear of having to meet entirely different types of friends, fear of the ignorance and misunderstanding of my parents who have raised me as a christian but don’t understand the concept of committing to a life for Christ. They believe in a religion and a tradition not a loving active relationship with Christ and are to stubborn and warped by this worlds corruption to accept different ideals. But I’m working to get there, everyday of this life is a battle, everyday satan’s armies will descend upon you with temptation. He will bring you agony, he will bring you loneliness, he will bring you confusion and hopelessness. But if you trust your heart in God’s hands completely he will deliver you from all of this, he will be a shield around you, keeping you safe and bringing peace to your heart. I know this to be true; because if it weren't, I would have given up on life by now, the only worth I found in myself; in the darkest and loneliest of nights alone in my room, was through him! The only pure love and understanding I felt in this world was through him! Now I’ve come to accept that the only way to achieve satisfaction and happiness in this life is through him. I guarantee that the world will let you down, attempts to find joy and fulfillment in this life will always fail you and will always leave you broken. There is no truth or light in the world only in the Lord. Even as I write this; giving all this advice to you to take the step and leave it all behind if that’s what he’s calling you to do, I find myself unwilling to take that leap of faith. But I believe that I’m beginning to let the current pull me a little more and more everyday starting to take those steps to leave behind the things that hinder me. Accepting that the only person whose opinion matters to me is the Lord and how the world views me is unimportant. I am working to become the light, his beacon of hope in this darkened world. I am working to bring about the change that he has shown me he wants for this world. I encourage anyone who reads this to do the same. Spend some time alone with God and search for his answers not your own, and when his answers become clear to you there will be sacrifices that must be made. He will ask you to leave behind all the things that comfort you because he yearns for you to realize that the only comforting you need is in him. The only way for you to rebuild your life and make changes in your life is to take everything that your life is made of, and tear it to the ground, leave behind the rubble, and start completely anew. I believe it will be the most difficult and challenging decision of any of our lifetimes, but I also believe that in the end it is the only way for us to ever achieve our salvation. So friends I ask you to embark on this journey with me, find the strength and courage to tear it all down, leave it all behind, and begin building the life you’ve been yearning for, begin living the life God has envisioned for you.

Life can be overwhelming...

User-Submitted — Fri, 22 Jul 2011 16:14:21 -0400

I grew up in a Christian household but with a lot of problems... My mom was a preachers daughter and my dad used to be a preacher... until he started drinking. He got caught up in it and wanting more than what he had, he cheated on and abused my mom... He left me when I was 4... I was born in Fort Worth, TX and grew up in southeastern Wisconsin... Now my dad, yes may have been pretty bad but he still loved us, he did what he could to be somewhat of a good dad. But he just was cheap and selfish... I still loved him though. Growing up, I had my problems but I was a good kid. I had some friends but not too many. I started to feel stress when going into my middle school years... I was always told to get rid of my stress by praying and asking God... Which I did but I was getting sick of hearing it and wanted some help from people. Which no one would give me. They always said "Just pray." I started listening to heavy Christian music when I was in about 7th grade. The 1st 2 bands I listened to that were considered heavy were Underoath and August Burns Red. They were my 2 favorite bands of all time. I started expanding my music and listening to other things but those 2 were the kings of it for me. I went through a depressing age in middle school because my mom was very sick and I had no friends. Everyone thought I was weird and annoying. I felt like I was forsaken by everyone but my mom. My mom is the most amazing mom ever. But she was sick... very sick. I wanted to kill myself. I didn't know how or if I'd follow through but I wanted to... More thoughts lead to more thoughts... I planned it. Then the one thing that saved me was I was crying in my room listening to ABR crying out to God for one last escape from everything... I decided I wanted to look at the lyrics to the song I was listening to (Composure). And the first line I saw was, "Life can be overwhelming, but don't turn your back on the strongest crutch you've ever had." Those simple words written by Jake Luhrs touched my heart in a way I couldn't describe. I started leaning more on God and got through my depression... Until my freshman year of High school... I loved HS. I had a lot of great friends and I was doing alright with grades and there was little stress. Until a day that changed everything. We got kicked out of our apartment because the people just plain didn't like us. I don't know why but they did. We were forced to live with my dad. Well my older brother, Tyler was never home because he had a band which became the biggest band in Southeastern Wisconsin. They were on the verge of getting signed to big record labels. At school I was known as "For The Record's brother" (For The Record was the band's name). Well after awhile there was no choice but for us to move down to San Antonio, TX to live with my grandparents. My older brother stayed up in WI with my dad but I figured I had nothing going for me so I left with my mom and sister and younger brother. I realized how many people cared because there was people crying because I was leaving. I was shocked. I finished my freshman year down there... But then my mom became very sick again. She started to have mini seizures. The doctors wouldn't help her because we didn't have insurance. Then I found out we couldn't get me into school because I wasn't legally a state resident of Texas... I was homeless. My family kicked us out and we had to stay in a hotel. No one helped us. Finally I moved back up with my dad. Later followed my younger brother. Then my mom and sister came Christmas time. Now all my life I stood for being straight edge. No drugs, drinking, smoking, sex before marriage, etc. Well I started gaining a lot of friends... A LOT OF FRIENDS. They weren't all the best guys because a lot of them were pot heads but they seemed okay because they didn't judge me for not doing it. I felt comfortable and complete. Well I don't know what happened but I got into smoking weed and partying. I would get stoned whenever it was offered. I felt terrible about myself and I can't believe I did it... But I couldn't stop. Later followed drinking and then I would have a cigarette here and there. Finally one of my best friends, Jimmy who recently became straightedge started helping me through a lot. I still hated myself though. I became depressed again. But then I still was focused on music... August Burns Red was always one of my favorites... Underoath not so much ever since Aaron Gillespie left. Now my 3 favorite bands are (in no particular order) The Devil Wears Prada, August Burns Red, and For Today. I recently attended Warped Tour 2011 in Milwaukee, WI. I was going for the friends and concerts. It was going to be my 3rd time seeing ABR. I couldn't wait. After a long day I was walking around when I saw one of my hero's, Jake Luhrs of ABR standing there. I rushed up to him but he was talking to some guys so I didn't want to bother him but I wasn't going to not tell him what an impact he's made on my life. After h was done talking to them he stopped and talked to me and my friend, Nick... I was star-struck but I kept my cool. I just told him how much i thank God for giving him the ability to be in the position he is and I thanked him for doing everything he's doing. I told him about how his lyrics saved my life and he was really interested in everything I was saying. I felt loved and I felt like I could actually talk to him without being annoying. He smiled and listened and gave me a hug and told me how he was thankful to hear my story and then gave me this website to check out and told me all about it... From this day forth I declare that I'm not letting drugs and people get me down... And I love you, Jake. You are definitely my hero and my role model (Along with Mike Hranica from TDWP). I know what my first tattoo is going to be... "Life can be overwhelming, but don't turn your back on the strongest crutch you've ever had."

God bless you all... Don't give up!

Health Struggles

User-Submitted — Fri, 22 Jul 2011 16:07:29 -0400

Eight years ago, at the age of 19, I was diagnosed with Crohn's disease. It took a long time for me to accept it. There were a lot of days when I asked God, "Why me?" Then came the, "I'm a good person...they do worse things than I do so why am I dealing with this?" I was pretty depressed for the first couple of years. Crohn's can be very isolating and I felt cut off from all my friends because they just didn't understand what I was going through. On top of the depression was the physical aspect of the Crohn's. I was in pain 24/7. The worst was in 2005. I weighed a mere 105 lbs (I'm 5'9") and was so malnourished that anytime I stood up I'd get dizzy and lose my vision briefly. I ended up in the hospital for almost 4 weeks hooked up to a feeding tube and receiving numerous blood transfusions and endless rounds of antibiotics. In reality, I was at death's door. As bad as that time was though, I spent a lot of it in the Word and just focused of God's promises for me. I finally got over feeling sorry for myself and realized that God was still right there beside me. Once i got that through my had, it made all the hard days so mch easier to deal with.

The last 5 years have definitely been a roller coaster. On top of the physical stuff, I've dealt with people saying, "your faith must not be very strong otherwise you'd be healed." I've dealt with family members who acted like I was dying if I had an off day. I've been in the hospital a few times because of this horrible disease and actally had somone ask, "What did you do this time?" As if it was my fault! I became a very good actor in front of most people. There were a select few that I could be honest with, but for the most part, whenever asked how I was doing, I'd plaster a smile on my face and reply, "Fine!" All I know is that I'm so thankful to be blessed with amazing parents who supported me no matter what and helped me through the toughest times.

It's only in the past 3 or so years that I've really discovered God's heart in the matter for myself. First of all, healing and forgiveness go hand in hand. If I did nothing but live in a place of anger and bitterness over the fact that I'm going through this, I'd get nowhere. I've met my share of hypocrites over the course of my journey - the ones who talk the talk but don't live it out - but if I focus on their downfalls and how they've hurt me instead of walking in God's love and forgiveness, I'll never walk in the manifestation of healing that God wants me to have. I've learned that I need to just focus on my relationship and walk with God. Does that mean I never slip up? By no means but I'm getting better.

Secondly, healing is linked to faith. I've had two eye-opening moments on this particular matter. The first was about 2 1/2 years ago. My mom and I were in the kitchen at the church talking to our pastor about some things when he came over, gave me a big hug and told me, "it's because of your faith that you're still alive and here today." After so many people making snap judgements that I wasn't healed due to a lack of faith this was such a word of encouragement! The second took place just last month. Pastor was teaching on healing and gave the best description of faith I've ever heard. He said, "Faith is EXPECTING GOD TO DO WHAT HE SAID." Faith has nothing to do with how I feel or where I am physically. As I write this, I'm at the hospital hooked up to two IVs to get my meds. But one has nothing to do with the other. The fact that I may have a day where I feel like garbage or that I'm still dealing with the Crohn's does NOT mean I have no faith!

No matter what you may be dealing with, here's a few of the things I know: I know that by His stripes I was healed (Isaiah 53:5). I know that He has amazing plans for my life. That His plans are to prosper and not harm me. To give me a hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11). Sometimes I hate that I haven't been able to enjoy the most of my 20s and that I've missed out on so many things...that I'm reaching 30 and still not married, but not only do I know that it'll happen, I know that I will be restored to the days of my youth (Job 33:25). I know that although this sucks, it's not of God and He'll use it for good. And most of all, I know that all God's promises are "yes," and "amen" (2 Corinthians 1:20). The days I feel like crap, I declare these things sometimes hourly. As it is, those days are becoming few and far between. But I still declare these things over my life because part of faith is speaking what you believe.

God's will for us is divine health. Never for a second believe the lies of the enemy that sickness is some sort of punishment from God. When Jesus died on the cross, He dealt with every single sickness that exists (and those that don't yet exist). When we walk in His love and forgiveness and believe with every fibre of our being that He is true to His word, we're that much closer to walking in that divine health.

So even though Crohn's is something I'm going through, I'm doing just that...going THROUGH. I will come out on the other side victorious in Christ. I'm feeling better these days than I have in a long time and I belive it's because I've been putting these things into practice.

So that's my story in a nutshell. I hope you find encouragement in reading it.
God bless!

The Need

User-Submitted — Fri, 22 Jul 2011 15:54:29 -0400

Alone…something that was never meant to be. Something I am feeling right now. It causes horrible pain that lends the sufferer nothing but the hope for death, for no feeling at all. I am in reality not alone. However, this feeling invades my soul and this, this very fact makes me sadder than anything. It makes me sad because my soul is suppose to be the dwellings of the most powerful thing in the world… the spirit of God

As I mentioned I am not really Alone even though I feel as though God has left me to deal with life and all of its turns on my own. That this eating disorder I have has somehow served as a ‘God Repellant’…If I were honest with myself I would know that I am the one pushing God away. I do not do the things that would allow a relationship with God to grow. I want to though. I do have a desire to change, and I’ve tried to change. But I always manage to lose focus on God and change focus to myself. That’s where damage happens, when your focus is obscured and you start looking to yourself for answers.

What bothers me a great deal is that I know the power of God. He has demonstrated great things to me. He has used me to heal a girl with a bummed knee, he has filled me with his spirit, and has even called me to be a missionary to the Muslims in the Middle East (which is a story in itself). Yet I still somehow manage to screw our relationship up. I have cheated on God. This thought brings tears to my eyes, knowing how much he’s given me. I’ve prayed to Allah, learned Arabic for the sake of Allah, and have sung songs giving praise to Allah. And yet He (Jesus) still loves me. So I push him away because I am ashamed of myself… the very people he called me to proclaim to I became.

I feel like I live a double life. I am going to a school for young people called to be missionaries or evangelists…I leave in 9 days. Even though my relationship with God is on the rocks or to some non-existent I am going. I want to follow Gods plan for my life, and I know that God wants me to go because he provided for my tuition. I have not talked to God in a while. I am very intimidated by him. My shame becomes illuminated and my voice trembles into a thick silence. I try to read the Bible and become overwhelmed and unaware of where to start.

Thinking about having a relationship with God usually leaves me longing for a family. A strong, Christ filled, loving, family. That reality is impossible for me and my family. However, I desperately hope that when I get married that it becomes a reality and I have a family of those characteristics. As for me now I am looking for examples. I am looking for leaders. I am looking for people to pour into me so that I can pour into others. I need a spiritual father. I need a spiritual mother. This generation needs spiritual parents more than anything so that we know what its like to know God and what a family is suppose to be… But more than anything I NEED Jesus.

Don't know what to believe anymore

User-Submitted — Tue, 28 Jun 2011 19:29:14 -0400

I'm in a stage in my life where I've started to questioning certain things I've been "taught". The biggest one by far and the one which makes me the most confused is faith/God/Christianity. I've been raised in a atheist home, none of my siblings nor my parents has any faith or belief in God. I’ve tried to talk to them and they really try to understand but don’t. They have never been through this themselves and I don’t know anyone in real life that has either. I don't know where I fit in and most of my time I feel lost and lonely. It's like I'm deep under the surface not knowing which way up or down. Many nights I lie awake, not because I'm not tired, but because I'm frustrated and desperate to find an answer. Some things I've grown up with goes against what Christianity teaches. For example, I've been taught and still believe there is nothing wrong with homosexuality. That view doesn't seem to be so appreciated by Christians or in matter of a fact people in general. I get what the Bible says, I have read it. But in my eyes, love is love.

I find it strange how Jesus supposedly came to this earth to teach us how to treat our fellow man etc. That God is so loving towards mankind, but still this rule of his breads hate. When I’ve talked about this with Christians, most of them have looked at me as I’m stupid, not willing to give me an answer. Some have just said “that’s the way it is”, others trying to convince me it’s a sickness that only God can cure. All of these people I have asked “can’t a Christian just believe what he believe and makes him happy and let the others live their life freely as they choose?”. Many, and I mean many, have said “No, because we must spread the word of God etc”. What I’m trying to say, if I let God into my life, how do I tell my friends, family etc? Some of these people are gay and I love them with all of my heart. I could never judge them for it, or try to lead them to the right path, make them know God or even tell them that it’s says in the Bible it’s wrong. I can’t find a way to handle it. It’s not that I don’t want God in my life, I just don’t want to judge other people because of my faith. If I would tell my parents tomorrow that I’m a Christian, they would, without a doubt still love me and accept me for who I am. But they would, and I can promise you this, ask if I have problems with gay people, abortion, tattoos, sex without being married etc. Some of these are easy for me, tattoos I don’t see anything wrong with. Many uses it to express themselves, in my eyes, that’s great. I can handle not having sex until I get married. It’s mainly the “gay” part I would fear would come up. Because I don’t know what to say to that question.

Isn’t a rule or something that you shouldn’t judge or look down upon your fellow man believing you’re better? I don’t think that I ever can tell my self that love is wrong. Does that exclude me from ever having the chance to have a relationship with God? So even if a Christian can live with the “My life feels complete with God but it’s OK if that isn’t your case” attitude towards life, if I don’t believe in that homosexuality is wrong that goes against the Bible and therefore God. I’m so close to being truly happy I can feel it. Every time I read the Bible I get warm inside, every time I talk to God I get a smile on my face. But than all of this hits me and I’m confused again.

For the longest time I’ve been unhappy,felt like something was missing in my life. I started wondering if it was something bigger than me that was calling me. Upon these thoughts I’ve read the Bible, the Qur’ān and books relating to Buddhism etc. The Bible spoke to me the most, or should I say, I felt at “home” reading it. Yet I have these hard questions floating around in my head. Sometimes I hate my life, something that I never did before. I’m getting tired of feeling like this everyday. I just want some answers to my questions. It seems hard to find people who won’t give me, “it’s in the Bible speech”. I get that the God that Christians believe in wrote that book, but there must be some other answer out there? If I could get some views on this or just something to point me in the right direction I would be forever grateful. I’m sorry if I’ve gone back and forth in the text, I’m just writing what comes to mind. It’s pretty late and English is not my native language, so if there is strange sentences or misspelled words, I hope you understand what I mean anyway.

Hypocrisy on a Whole New Level

User-Submitted — Sat, 25 Jun 2011 02:48:38 -0400

To start out, I am a cutter, I have ten scars on my left wrist. One on my left wrist over a vein. Numerous ones up and down my arm. Four deep cuts on my shoulder. My legs and hips as well are marked also. I try my best to hide it. Although it is extremely hard. Once my cousin asked me what had happened to my arm. He is 4. My brothers have asked. And what exactly can I say? So i lie. "Chicken wire scratched me." "The cat clawed me." And it's a sin to lie right? But what if I dont want everyone knowing my secret?
Then I have my friends who cut. And I tell them not to, only I feel like a hypocrit doing that. But what else is there for me to do? I can;t not say anything. Although my words don't meana nything, because inside I am worse than them.
I kept telling my friend "I can stop when i want." Now I am not so sure. I tell my friends "Jesus is the way!" But look at where I am?
Cutting has gotten me no where but yet I continue. Disgusting. I know. It makes me selfish. I was so focused on losing weight and my self hatred and destructing my body I forgot the people around me. And that is why my friend hung himself January 18, 2011. Because I wasnt there to reach out. I ignored God and I abandoned my friend. I didn't see the signs because I myself was blind as well. How do I change? How do I not become a hypocrit? How will I ever be forgiven?

Help!!!!!!!!!!!

User-Submitted — Fri, 08 Oct 2010 19:35:14 -0400

For years I've been overeating,bingeing,overeating,bingeing..........I just don't have the strength anymore,to keep up this weakness.Help,I can't help myself , I want to stop